Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, you realize it’s a little cold for your taste. Isn’t that how it always goes? Well, I’ve been having this kind of ongoing discussion with my doctor ever since my LAST MEDICAL MELTDOWN.
Remember this one? When my eye swelled up for no reason. Again. They were going to send me back to rheumatology when I had a meltdown. Long story short, I’ve already been there TWICE. It was awful. Really expensive, really emotionally draining, really unproductive, frustrating, and negative. Basically, a step in the wrong direction on multiple levels. So I had a MELTDOWN.
If you’ve been following this blog for any length of time you will know of my struggle with a MYSTERIOUS AUTOIMMUNE ILLNESS. Despite years of BIZARRE UNEXPLAINED SYMPTOMS and HOSPITALIZATIONS following a TOXIC EXPOSURE. It’s kind of a long story. (An epic saga, if you will).
In any event, I got the news last week that I tested positive for ANA (anti-nuclear antibody) again. This has actually happened a COUPLE TIMES already. And each time, I went through the testing process and was worked into a tizzy only to be told that it was all in my head. Apparently, this is a pretty common occurrence for people with autoimmune disease. Having a meltdown from being run through the ringer when asking for help is par for the course. According to my doctor, people (who are clearly sick) can go through this process for up to twenty years! And doctors recommend anti-depressants. To help patients get through it. Really? Seriously?! I need to go on drugs to tolerate an unacceptable situation. Two words. NO THANKS!! I’ve done my time. After that, it becomes the recipe for insanity.
I had a long talk with my doctor about it. She seems to understand where I’m coming from. And sympathize. At this point, it appears that it’s one of two things. It’s either lupus. Or it’s some other disease that’s closely related to lupus that doesn’t have a name. So, basically I have lupus. Lupus basically means that you’re immune system is miscalibrated (which mine definitely is). Your immune system attacks normal cells in your body causing disease. I personally think that my immune system is attacking toxic stuff that has become part of my body since my exposure. And the reason I think this is because I have these violent seizure-like episodes (called MYOCLONIC JERKING) at times. It’s always centered on my diaphragm. And it literally feels like my body is trying to kick something out. In the end though, a name is just a name. It’s not going to change my symptoms. It’s not going to make me feel better. Why do I care? I am already self-medicating with my anti-inflammation diet. I’m not interested in going on the drugs. So why put myself through all this? Truly. What is the point? The medical testing and wild goose chase are literally going to bankrupt me. I’m not doing this anymore. I want my life back! And I don’t want to spend the remaining precious energy that I have on pointless dysfunction. I think that as long as patients tolerate this situation, it will be perpetuated.
There are more important things in life. Like, look how cute my kitty is? OK. Technically, she’s my boyfriend’s kitty. But she snuggles with me more (probably because I’m ALLERGIC TO HER).
Oh yeah. And I love to play guitar. And I used to be in a band. And do all kinds of interesting things. And those things have been passing me by. It’s time to reclaim them.
So that’s what I’m doing. Check it out. I just played a recital with my GUITAR TEACHER, Jeremy, last weekend. And I am getting ready to officially launch my business (stay tuned for details coming soon)! I’m on a mission to rebuild my life on my terms.
And it all starts here. Check out my latest video for this RUSTIC HOLIDAY FLATBREAD. My boyfriend says it’s my most creative recipe yet. Not only does it not exacerbate inflammation. Like normal bread. It’s actually anti-inflammatory! I’m filming the companion video for this today. A holiday cheese platter. Check back soon…