June 5th, 2013
Hello out there! It’s been a while since I posted. I kinda had to take a step back for a moment and recalibrate things. But I’m doing a lot better these days. Thanks in a large part to what my friend, Janice, calls pet therapy. These little critters have taught me a lot about balance and where to find it.
When I start going off the rails, they sure let me know! This is Aiko. And she sure has opinions about things. But I swear that her sweet little purrs are healing me. The last time I checked in, I was not in the best place. But things have come a long way since then. My business partner is back from maternity leave. And I’ve kind of got things functioning a little smoother at the shop. But beyond that, I think there’s been a big internal change. An attitude shift…towards something more empowered.
Admittedly, when scary symptoms start coming up, I think a person is naturally inclined to run to the doctor. To try to find an answer. And that has pretty much been my approach for the last seven years. But truth be told, that approach has been FRUSTRATING ME. I mean, let’s face it. Our healthcare system is DYSFUNCTIONAL. Everybody knows that. And it’s getting more expensive by the hour. Nobody knows how much anything costs. And there’s not a lot of internal incentive to be efficient. So a person with a mysterious chronic health problem that nobody understands can easily rack up some big bills and not have a lot to show for it. And I’m not gonna lie, I’m not independently wealthy. I mean, who is? And if I keep going the way I have the last seven years, I’m gonna end up broke and probably, if I were to be completely honest about my experience, not any healthier. So I’m thinking it’s time to shift gears. Change the way I’m looking at this problem.
Cute little Aiko is quite the gymnast. She can get herself into some pretty odd defying places. And she has been inspiring me to look for solutions in places where they might not be obvious on first glance. Fresh eyes.
Here she is with my dad (who btw, is reading my friend, Janice’s book FREEDOM TO THRIVE: RECLAIMING OUR POWER TO HEAL). Don’t get me wrong, my doctor has helped me in a lot of ways. But I think the big shift for me is that the things that are happening in my body are scary. Unsettling at times. And I think when these things happen, a person wants to hear something definitive. They want to understand. They want to know what to expect. They want it to be well, less scary. But here’s the truth. The doctor can’t do that. Make it less scary. The only person who can do that is me. I feel like I’ve been hung up that there’s a right way to deal with a health problem. The ‘accepted way’. But there isn’t really one. We are all different. Different people will react to the same situation in different ways. Depending on all kinds of factors. Personality, will to live, support systems, luck, the position of the sun on the day you were born…whatever!
As my friend, Joshua, would say…’This is my movie!’ I get to decide how it ends. Hell. I get to decide the whole damn plot. And this movie is not about a sick girl who gets beaten down by the world. Hells no! I mean, let’s be real. I don’t have time for that. I’ve got a business to run. (Cheeses at ECO-LICIOUS in Charlotte).
If this kinda situation even happens to a person, it only comes around once in a lifetime. You have to seize the day! (NOOCH in Denver).
This is Harley Rae. She’s been teaching me a lot too. Especially about seizing the day. This girl has no fear! (Just like YOKO SHOWED ME).
I’ve definitely been pushing my body to it’s limits lately. But the thing I have to remember. My new mantra is, ‘I’ve got this!’ This situation was tailor made for me. By me. I just need to hang on to the reins. And not be in such a hurry to give them up when I get overwhelmed by some moment that will pass. I need to just chill out and get things back into balance.
So that’s pretty much what I’ve been up to. Getting back into balance. And it seems to be working so far. At least, the HIVES have been getting better. So yeah. Bring it, world! I’ve got this..