Archive for April, 2013

The Writing On The Wall


April 25th, 2013

poop
I’m not going to lie. Things have been a little poopie around here lately. For one thing, it won’t stop snowing. It’s gotten kinda ridiculous. Poor Harley Rae is from Tennessee and isn’t sure what to make of it. Too cold for southern dog! And beyond that, I’ve been feeling like poop too.

eyeIf you’ve been following this blog for a while, you will know that I’ve been struggling with a MYSTERIOUS ILLNESS for a WHILE. It’s kind of a long story. And it’s pretty annoying. But basically, I have a super FREAKED OUT IMMUNE SYSTEM that likes to MALFUNCTION in all kinds of weird ways. For the last seven years, I’ve been diligently going to the doctor trying to get answers. I’ve gotten diagnosed with all kinds of things. Symptoms range from crazy RASHES to DIGESTIVE DISTURBANCES to RESPIRATORY PROBLEMS to BLOOD PROBLEMS to NEUROLOGICAL PROBLEMS to inflammation in weird parts of my body (like my EYEBALL, for example) to being insanely tired to all out ORGANS GOING OFFLINE (not even sure how to describe what happened here…at the time, nobody else did either). Anyway, it’s a long story. But the links (in all caps) go back to the past.

armLately though, things have escalated a lot. First, I got diagnosed with a BLEEDING ULCER. Then, I started to have these crazy rashes all over my body. They’re super itchy. And they pretty much come and go all the time. I’ve had them for a few months now. Sometimes they get really intense. The thing that keeps coming up with all these weird symptoms and the one thing that they all have in common is that they are all complications of LUPUS. The word lupus really freaks people out. Basically, it means that your immune system can’t tell the difference between your own tissue and foreign cells. So it attacks normal tissue in your body. It can happen anywhere. I’ve pretty much had a gut feeling that that’s what is wrong with me since about six months after my TOXIC EXPOSURE. You just know. But whenever I would bring it up, I would get blitzkreiged with all this negativity. NO!! That’s not what you have. It’s all in your head. Are you sure? Take it back! It’s not true!

I get it. Nobody wants me to have lupus. Truth be told, I don’t want to have it either. Having lupus is bad enough. But getting diagnosed with lupus is almost as bad as just having lupus. It’s a total mind f&ck. I’m not kidding. People think you’re crazy when you say that. Which is part of why it’s so messed up. People who don’t know start to think you’re crazy. But it’s actually a real thing. My doctor even told me about it.

lupus bookThis book talks a lot about it too. It’s the definitive book on lupus written by a guy who specializes in it. Basically, it’s a really hard to diagnose disease. There’s a lot of far ranging symptoms that can be caused by a lot of things. So people go around in a limbo for years until it becomes obvious what it is. Meanwhile, you keep finding yourself in messed up situations.  Because nobody around really understands how sick you are.  Going to the doctor involves getting passed around to all these specialists who do all kinds of tests.  And let me tell you, they aren’t cheap.  Not at all.  And in the end, nobody really knows anything.  So it really starts to feel like a dead end after a while.  Which is why I’ve been throwing a tantrum about NOT WANTING TO GO TO THE DOCTOR.  Honestly, I’m still figuring out what I want to do about it. Right now, it’s just kind of this spector that’s casting a shadow over me.

 werewolfThe word lupus means wolf in latin. I guess the disease was named that because most people get diagnosed when they start getting these crazy rashes that make them look wolf-like. It feels more glamorous to me to think of it like I’m turning into a werewolf when it happens. Somehow more poetic than feeling like you have some weird disease. I mean after all, all the best super heroes are weird mutants that turn into werewolves at night. Right?

date
 

Chronic Urticaria


April 10th, 2013

love fest
We interrupt this love fest to bring you another dose of reality. If you’ve been reading my ramblings lately, you will know that i just ADOPTED SOME AMAZING AND LOVEABLE PETS! Part of this was an attempt on my part to bring my life back into balance after noticing some ALARMING SYMPTOMS THAT I’VE BEEN ATTEMPTING TO IGNORE OUT OF FRUSTRATION WITH THE CURRENT STATE OF OUR MEDICAL SYSTEM. Well I finally got over myself and my ‘I’m never going to the doctor again’ drama long enough to go get it checked out.

urticaria
Turns out I have chronic urticaria. Basically this means I have chronic hives. A pretty frustrating place to be. The doctor said that basically it’s a complication that is often associated with LUPUS (a drumbeat that’s been beating in my world for a while). But just because I have it doesn’t mean that I have lupus. She also said that the hives are triggered by stress. Which is also not surprising considering that I became the CEO OF A MULTI-NATIONAL CORPORATION this year and my business partner is on maternity leave. The hives won’t be under control until the stress is. So basically, I’m on the right track. I think I instinctively knew what I needed to do. But I need to step it up a bit.

Needless to say, I am doing a lot of processing right now. I have a lot to say about all this. But as with most emotional processing, it will probably be happening in fits and spurts coming up. I’ll keep you posted…

date
 

Man’s Best Friend


April 1st, 2013

harley rae
Hello out there! If you’ve been following this stream of consciousness (and I have been kinda of shocked by the far flung responses I’ve been getting to it), you will know I’ve been looking for some gentle and natural solutions to life’s big problems. My big problem right now is definitely stress. Starting a business is well, hard. It’s a lot of responsibilities. And it’s pretty easy to get consumed by all the things that need to get done. And also easy to lose site of when to stop. At least for me. With my workaholic tendencies. I got diagnosed with a bleeding ulcer recently. And for me, that was a sign. I need to slow down. But I needed some help. I kind of need someone to remind me that I need to slow down. I’m kind of bad that way. So anyway, I’ve devised a multi-faceted approach to help me with this.

first day
First off. I got a dog. This is her. Harley Rae. She is the best. dog. ever. She really keeps me in line. When I start getting obsessed with work and going overboard, she gently reminds me that it’s time to take a break.

harley rae studio
This dog has a glamorous rock and roll lifestyle. Here she is at the recording studio where my boyfriend works.

aiko
We originally planned to stop there. But when we went to the HUMANE SOCIETY, there was this adorable stray kitten. She was so little and so cute that we couldn’t help ourselves.

kittles and me
Her name is Aiko. Which means ‘love child’ in Japanese. She’s definitely a love bug. This is the snuggliest pet I’ve ever met. Now I have two new friends to help keep me in line.

record playerMy next order of business is to get the shop running with or without me. Right now, I’m like the dunkin’ donuts guy. The one from the 80’s commercial that lives, sleeps, and breathes around the donut schedule. It’s a little too stressful for gimpy girl. So I’m on my way to listening to more records (check out our office stereo) and sitting down and doing more paperwork.  Almost there.

I have the power to heal myself!  And that is exactly what I’m going to do…

date