Archive for March, 2013

It’s Not Lupus. Or Is It?


March 31st, 2013

cute eye
Hello out there! I’m making up for lost blogging time with some progress reports. Lots of people have been asking about my health and how that’s going. I’d like to report that I started my business, rode off into the sunset, and lived happily ever after. And in a sense, I did. But health issues are a learning process. It’s kind of a journey. I feel like I’ve passed a big barrier in not letting them define my life and my future. But to be honest, I’m still figuring it all out.

welt
For the past few months, I’ve been having a sort of never-ending flareup. It started out like this. These welts. Really itchy welts. At first under my arms. But now pretty much everywhere. Sometimes it would be welts.

rash
Sometimes I would get these rashes. Kind of all over. Sometimes they feel like burns. But they’re not. I’m not really sure what they are.

octagonal
Sometimes they have interesting and artistic shapes.

clusterfuk
Sometimes they are clusters of red spots. Like this. Sometimes, they look more like clusters of mosquito bites. But in spots where you don’t really get mosquito bites.

mosquito bites
When I do get mosquito bites, they look more like this. Fluid filled weirdness. (NOTE:  This pic is old.  There are no mosquitoes right now.  It’s winter.  At least in Minnesota.)

Typically, a person might go to the doctor for things like this. And don’t get me wrong, I really like my doctor. And I think we have a good relationship. But I have a very LONG HISTORY of going to the doctor with my weird issues and SPENDING TONS OF MONEY on GETTING THE RUNAROUND. After a while, it becomes an intelligence test. You have to ask yourself some important questions. ‘Is this actually helping me?’ ‘Can I afford this?’ ‘Is this helping me to create a life that I want to live?’ I think the answers to these questions are different for different people. But ultimately, you have to choose the path that’s right for you.

eat more kale
My answer to all the above questions is a resounding no. It’s not helping me. I can’t afford it. And it’s not helping me to create a life I want to live. I feel like it might have been an acceptable path for an era where health insurance actually covered things. But times have changed. Dramatically. And ultimately, I have to be honest with myself. I’ve gotten very little help. I’ve been emotionally and physically abused. I’ve spent thousands and thousands of dollars on a wild goose chase. I’ve gotten no answers. And I’ve wasted hours and hours of my time. It’s not the foundation for a life I want to live. Every now and then, I’ll freak out about some scary symptom that comes up. A month or so ago, it was that I woke up in the middle of the night and barfed up a ball of bloody mucous. I went to the doctor. It turned out I had a bleeding ulcer. Kind of a rite of passage for a new entrepreneur. My blood tests showed that I tested positive again for a couple autoimmune screeners. Rheumatoid factor and ANA (anti-nuclear antibody). Honestly, my gut feeling is that I have lupus. I’ve had this gut feeling for years. Since six months after my toxic exposure. I kind of knew. I think most people know. But I went through years of people telling me it was all in my head. And trying to convince myself otherwise. Ultimately, I realized that this was doing more harm than good. I need to accept who I am. What I am. What I’m going through. I do not need to spend energy denying, trying to fit into other people’s boxes, being in some weird limbo because my test results aren’t consistent with other people’s expectations. It’s not helpful. It’s painful. It feels like a step backward. I’m frankly not capable of humoring the situation any longer. I’m a reasonable person. I’m well mannered. I’m agreeable. It’s really not me. It’s the situation. And this situation isn’t working for me. My doctor suggested that I go to see more specialists (a really expensive, really frustrating, really unfruitful endeavor). This prompted a meltdown where I told her I was never going to the doctor again. Kinda dramatic, I realize. But that’s where I’m at right now. And apparently, this is considered a normal reaction to this situation.

What’s the answer? This is a good question. And one that I’m still kind of processing…

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No Sleep ‘Til Brooklyn


March 28th, 2013

nooch
Woah nelly! Things have been crazy around here. So crazy that I haven’t had much time for posting lately. I have really been keeping my head down and my nose to the grindstone. In a way, I think being sick is really good preparation for starting a business. Looking forward, it looks kind of hopeless most days. Making the impossible happen. Looking back, it looks like a miracle. The hard part is keeping focused when you’re the only one who can see it. I think that learning to be zen in situations that are well, unpleasant, is what being sick is all about. Same with starting a business. You just have to keep busting through barriers despite how it looks on the outside. Keep pushing. No matter what. Until one day you look up. And you realize that you’re whole environment has changed. So anyway, our environment has sure changed alright. We are really starting to carve some marks out on the map of the US of A. We’ve been consistently selling out at NOOCH (an awesome vegan boutique in Denver).

park and vineI am continually amazed that the cheese has developed a following in places where I didn’t even know there was an audience for vegan products. PARK AND VINE is another new store in Cincinnati that has started carrying us. Who knew that Cincinnati was such a hotspot for vegans! I admit that in the beginning, I thought nut cheeses would be too weird to fly in the midwest. Man, was I ever wrong. (My boyfriend who incidentally is from the Midwest is quick to remind me of this).

brainer
The cheeses are even selling in Brainerd, MN at the CROW WING FOOD CO-OP! Brainerd is a fairly small town in central MN. Not exactly where I’d expect to find a hotspot for vegan fare. But that just goes to show how much I know. Thanks for schooling me, Brainerd!

wheatsville
WHEATSVILLE in Austin, TX is another store that has been selling a ton of cheese. I actually went to college in Austin. So it feels pretty satisfying to reconnect with the city.

vegan haven
I used to live in Seattle too. Home of VEGAN HAVEN. Another hotspot for our cheese.

mckinleyville
We even made it out to Humboldt County, CA! We’re at McKinleyville Central Market there.

malt and mold
And of course, New York City! That’s where it all started for us. And it’s kind of an epicentre for us. We have several new stores there. MALT AND MOLD is an amazing beer and cheese store on the Lower East Side.

high vibe
HIGH VIBE is an amazing raw and vegan boutique in the East Village. I think it’s in the East Village anyway. I’ve been corrected on my NYC geography a few times.

perelandra
Last but not least is our newest store. PERELANDRA in Brooklyn. This is a really new development. Like, today new. We’re really excited about this. In fact, if you go there now, they should have some free samples of the cheese to try. I think they might also have the best deal in town on the cheeses. Definitely check it out.

Needless to say, we have been really really busy. I have pushed my body to it’s limits. And beyond. I’m hoping this new development is a sign. No Sleep ‘Til Brooklyn! But now we’ve arrived. Brooklyn! We are in your hood! What happens once you get to Brooklyn? Two days of sleep? That sounds good. Maybe this is the start of a kindler, gentler era of growth. Because I am having a monster flare-up right now. But I digress. There will be a whole other post about this tomorrow. Wanna know how to start a business with no money and chronic health problems? Well, I’m still figuring that one out myself. But I’ll tell you’ve what I’ve learned tomorrow…

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Lemon Thumbprint Cookies


March 17th, 2013

lemon thumbprint cookiesHello out there! Haven’t been posting much lately, but things have been evolving rapidly over here. It’s been quite the spiritual journey. I expect a flurry of posts this week as I sit back and reflect for a minute. It’s been one of those years that moves so fast that everything is a blur. Exciting times. Maybe even too exciting for my delicate constitution. But I suppose sometimes, you have to push it to the edge. Just so you can assess where that is.

Anyway, I just posted a new video. It’s a recipe for the LEMON THUMBPRINT COOKIES you see pictured above. I’ve been pretty addicted to them lately. This is a great recipe for people with autoimmune disease. No wheat. No sugar. No dairy. Check it out and let me know what you think. :)

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