Archive for the 'Nothingness' Category

Fighting The Good Fight


January 25th, 2012

fight
Well, I’ve reached a critical part of my journey. I’m about to break through into the land of the living. To functional from dysfunctional. And I’ve been working long and hard at it. This last part is one of the toughest. Lots of baggage to let go of…physical and otherwise. I am fighting the good fight! There are starting to be some glimmers of hope. Miraculous ones.

My cheeses are now being offered in the juice bar at PURE FOOD AND WINE. It’s amazing! Who would have ever thought it would happen? The OTHER STORE in NYC that is carrying my cheese called me to tell me that customers were complaining that they were out of stock. Word is getting out! I am struggling to keep up with demand. Things are starting to shift. Big time. It’s exciting. And nerve wracking. It seems the only thing holding me back at this moment is the money issue. This has always been the hardest piece for me to let go of. Being Asian.

The universe wouldn’t lead me all this way just to fail at the end. I need to keep the faith! Keep pushing ahead. And trust. I can do this!

kickstart campaign
Two weeks left on my KICKSTARTER CAMPAIGN. I can definitely use some help getting the word out! Thanks!

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Kristen’s Front Porch Grocery and Lounge


October 23rd, 2011

kristen
Well, if you haven’t checked the LATEST EPISODE of PRL TV, you should! In this episode, we show you how easy it is to start a local food REVOLUTION ON YOUR PORCH.

kristen
Leave it to a single mom to come up with creative solutions for difficult times! I truly hope that those who have carried the burden of our dysfunctional economy will be rewarded in this new incarnation. These are the most resourceful, deserving, and grateful among us.

filming
Here is an action shot of Kristen’s Porch. Did I mention that this episode features the most uplifting song by Minneapolis’ finest brass band, the BRASS MESSENGERS? Not too mention an interview conducted simultaneously in English and Romanian.

behind the scenesYep. THIS EPISODE has it all. Food, music, and friends. What else do you need?

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Updated Web Site


May 6th, 2011

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Check out my NEW IMPROVED WEB SITE! I’ve been working really hard at integrating my site and making it more seemless. It’s been slowly growing for so long that it’s gotten a little unwieldy.

PRL TV
Also, be sure to check out my Uncooking Show, PUNK RAWK LABS TV. I’m looking forward to more updates here soon. The recording studio where my boyfriend works just got a new computer. The old computer is coming home (which means I’ll be able to edit my videos much more easily!). Lots of new videos on the way…

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The Monster In My Closet


April 20th, 2011

contemplating
Well, the time has come. I have got to get something off my chest. Something that I have been wrestling with for almost five years. In the beginning, it seemed like a straightforward enough problem. One that I could deal with and move on from efficiently. Once it was defined, anyway. So I stuffed it away in my closet figuring that once things were neatly sorted out, I would deal with it appropriately. No need to raise alarms now, I thought. I’m not even sure what it is.

Well, in that time, IT turned out to be much more than I bargained for. In just about every respect. The more I looked for answers, the more elusive they became. The monster in my closet grew and grew. The uncertainty just made it grow more. Meanwhile, I waited. Once I find the answers, I’ll be able to slay the dragon, I thought. But the answers never came. At least, not from where they were supposed to. And the monster only grew.

baby me and mom

Me and my mom (a few years back)

Well, now the monster has outgrown me. It’s clearly beyond my control at this point. It can no longer be contained in my closet. It’s time to let him out, warts and all. And let the pieces fall where they may. So, here it is…

Five years ago, I suffered a severe toxic exposure. I haven’t spoken very explicitly about it here because it was a very messy situation. But I am coming to realize now that not putting my truth out into the world is only hurting me. I need to connect with that truth now so that I can truly move through this situation (instead of carrying the baggage around). Essentially, I discovered that I had been living over an open sewer main for four years. I discovered this because I was getting sick and not knowing why. And my instinct (and a few calls to people more knowledgeable than I) led me to discover that the plumbing in my apartment was not as it should have been.

I went through a lot after this. Initially, I developed severe respiratory and digestive issues. For six weeks, I had the most horrible, fully body, dry, possessed by aliens and sounding like a dying animal cough. Then, I was finally sent to the right doctor who determined that I had in fact been exposed to toxic sewer gas and that the hydrogen sulfide in the gas had eaten through the lining of my lungs causing my respiratory issues (which incidentally never went away).

not sugar plums
Once I got the respiratory (most immediate threat) issues under control, we started to work on my digestive system. This was much more complicated. Initially, I went through several rounds of testing for every possible infection, parasite, allergy, etc. This took a while. Essentially, they do one round of tests and don’t figure anything out. Then, they send you home until it gets bad enough for you to come back. Since previous rounds of testing were generally unproductive, I think most people put off going back until they reach new levels of discomfort. Needless to say, it’s a less than pleasant process. After they exhaust all the tests, they send you in for a COLONOSCOPY. Where you actually get to see your insides on TV! The colonoscopy was actually not so bad. It was the endoscopy that was traumatic. I think they are generally supposed to put you under for this. But for whatever reason, they decided to feed the camera tube down my throat while I was awake. I was literally crying and fighting my gag reflex back while they were yelling at me to ‘BREATHE!’. This was to stop the dry heaving. Remind me to never do that again.

Anyway, they determined after this that I was most likely having an allergic reaction to something I was eating and that I should do an elimination diet to figure out what it was. All in all, it took me fifteen months to figure out that I had developed a sensitivity to chemicals in my food. This is what attracted me in the beginning to raw food. This is also what led me to realize just how ubiquitous chemicals in our food are and how vigilant one must be in this day and age to avoid them. Well, raw food was the most natural and unprocessed diet I could find. AND it was ideal for people that were trying to detoxify their systems which seemed right up my alley. My main obstacle at this point was that I didn’t know how to cook. At all. This was about the time when I started this blog.

hospital
Once I got the digestive issues somewhat stabilized, a new issue STARTED TO EMERGE. I had a foreshadowing event, I suppose. Some UNEXPLAINED TEST RESULTS. I had gotten strange calls from my doctors telling me not to be worried but that I had some test results that were raising concerns. Well, as anyone with any unexplained medical symptoms will tell you, this is precisely the kind of call you need to be worried about.

hospital
It wasn’t long after that I ended up in the HOSPITAL with severe hepatitis. This is a long story in and of itself. So, I will spare you the details. But essentially my liver sort of imploded. I had a number of infections and test results at the time. I had Hepatitis A and Mono. Plus, some strange ANTIBODY RESULTS. The mono infection lasted for a year and a half. Though I didn’t know this at the time. I was told during the infection that it might be a FALSE POSITIVE. That it was more likely an immune system disorder, and I didn’t have Mono. For a year and a half I suffered through my life trying to pretend everything was okay and not knowing why things definitely weren’t. As it turns out, I actually DID have mono for all that time. But I still probably have some sort of immune system disorder. They’re still figuring things out.

weird eye
Since that time, I’ve had a number of unexplained symptoms and test results. Like these involuntary movements, for example. My body just jerks for no reason. Sometimes violently. Whatever it is that I have is very unusual. Right now, I have a really bad ulcer in my throat from a recurring thrush infection (that friend that you don’t really have anything in common with but you can’t really get rid of). Thrush infections are really common in people with compromised immune systems. They are not sure if my compromised immune system is caused by an immune system disorder or my damaged liver or both. Whatever it is, it’s clear that it’s not going anywhere anytime soon.

yoga girl
This brings me to my current conundrum. For five years, I’ve been waiting for an answer. The explanation that makes all of this make sense. A diagnosis. If I had this, I thought, I could connect with others who have the same thing. I could get answers! I could get help! But they haven’t come. Meanwhile, I’ve just been stuffing things in the closet to deal with later (when I finally get the answer!). But what I’m realizing now is that waiting for my answer is doing more harm than good. Maybe there ARE no answers. Maybe I will NEVER find them. Maybe that IS the answer. Whatever I have is some sort of environmental illness that is common among people with toxic exposures. In fact, this weekend out of desperation I started to look for studies of people exposed to sewer gas. Interestingly, I found a number of separate epidemiological studies conducted all over the world on sanitation workers and discovered that my symptoms are almost IDENTICAL to theirs!! It absolutely infuriates me that so many people all over the world suffer through illness for no good reason. And that other people make money from this. And this makes it impossible for them to see the suffering they are inflicting.

radiation
This was brought more into focus for me recently by current events in JAPAN. And the impact that is having on my family there. Seriously, HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE TO GET SICK AND SUFFER LIKE THIS BEFORE SOMETHING CHANGES?!!

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Snowmageddon


December 14th, 2010

snow moi
Things have gotten nutty up here in the Great White North. They’ve dubbed it ‘Snowmageddon 2010’. The biggest snowstorm in Minnesota since Halloween 1991. I didn’t live here then, but people still talk about it. This time, it was SEVENTEEN INCHES in the Minneapolis area!

no roofThe snow was so heavy, it caused the roof of the METRODOME TO CAVE IN. A fitting end to BRETT FAVRE’S STREAK.

kitty window
This is officially the biggest snow storm I’ve ever been in.

parking meter
Check out this parking meter.

bench
No more benches for waiting on the bus. Not that you’d want to. We also dipped below zero this week.

parking lot
This is the road that leads to the car…Looks like it’s time to catch up on some reading :)

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It's All Over Now, Baby Blue


February 16th, 2008

broken computer

I think it may be over.  For my computer, I mean.  It’s not working.  It turns on, but the screen dies.  It works, but it goes black.  Anyway, I’m out of commission for a bit.  Check back with you later…

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A Room With a View


November 3rd, 2007

view

I have to admit. I’ve spent the better part of my life living in pretty urban environments and not really noticing or appreciating nature as much as one should. This is the view from our very tiny apartment – located in a pretty densely populated (for Minneapolis anyway) urban area surrounded by other buildings. Let’s face it. Most of the time our view stinks.

Except right now…

roomwith a view 1

view2

These two photos were taken about a week apart from our lovely window.

leaves

Now before you get too overcome with nature and start forgetting where you are…try looking down.

dumpster

We also have a very lovely view of the dumpsters next door…

dumpster diver

Lots of action down there…

Err…anyway, back to the nature scenes…

desert fire

I wanted my old roomate, Meg, to see this because she gave me this plant long ago, and it’s the only one to survive that era. This scene made me a little guilty as it reminded me of all the fires they’re having in the desert right now. It also goes really nicely with this new Robert Plant | Alison Kraus record I’ve been pretty stuck on lately.

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I’ll be back next week with some more autumn inspired recipes…

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Critical Mass


May 31st, 2007

Here is a picture of my dog, Harley, looking out at all the bikers from his buggy when we rode with Critical Mass in Minneapolis.

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