Archive for the 'Health Care' Category

Face Down Your Fears


February 20th, 2014

cult
Well, it finally happened. The one thing I feared most…I lost my health insurance. The last several years has been filled with trials and tribulations. Anyone with health issues can tell you…it’s not for the faint of heart. There are many frustrations…financial hardships, dysfunctional bureaucracy, doctors who don’t understand you, unsympathetic billing departments, a situation that really doesn’t add up in a financial sense. For anyone. A person can get lost in the morass. In fact, I had been on a bit of a hiatus from the doctor. Partly because it didn’t make FINANCIAL SENSE. And partly because it didn’t make EMOTIONAL SENSE. I intended to go back at some point. Once I got my life more stable. Once I started making money again. Once I was emotionally available enough to tolerate the dysfunction again. I mean through all of this, one mantra I’ve hung on to has been, ‘No matter what happens, don’t lose your insurance.’

But something happened along the way. It didn’t help much that my premiums went up. A lot. I think this is happening for a lot of people. But at some point you have to face the facts. The facts are that I am a struggling new business owner that just survived two pretty devastating health setbacks. I really don’t have any money. I mean, who does? But I really don’t. I can’t afford these crazy premiums. For the last several years, I’ve been going way into debt to pay premiums that I can’t afford. And to be honest, I’m not even really sure why. Because the reality is that my insurance doesn’t really cover anything anyway.

I’m not really sure what the answer to this quandary is. I’m not even sure if there is one. I think a lot of people are wrestling with this issue these days. But they say that once the one thing you fear most happens, you have nothing to fear. So I like to think that this is a positive development. If I’ve learned anything from the last few years, it’s that sometimes what looks like the end is really just a new beginning. You have to break down what’s not working for you to make room for what is. Stay positive. Keep pushing. Things will look different on the other side. So I am keeping the faith…

date
 

No Wrong Answers


June 5th, 2013

aiko and meHello out there! It’s been a while since I posted. I kinda had to take a step back for a moment and recalibrate things. But I’m doing a lot better these days. Thanks in a large part to what my friend, Janice, calls pet therapy. These little critters have taught me a lot about balance and where to find it.

crybabyWhen I start going off the rails, they sure let me know! This is Aiko. And she sure has opinions about things. But I swear that her sweet little purrs are healing me. The last time I checked in, I was not in the best place. But things have come a long way since then. My business partner is back from maternity leave. And I’ve kind of got things functioning a little smoother at the shop. But beyond that, I think there’s been a big internal change. An attitude shift…towards something more empowered.

Admittedly, when scary symptoms start coming up, I think a person is naturally inclined to run to the doctor.  To try to find an answer. And that has pretty much been my approach for the last seven years. But truth be told, that approach has been FRUSTRATING ME. I mean, let’s face it. Our healthcare system is DYSFUNCTIONAL. Everybody knows that. And it’s getting more expensive by the hour. Nobody knows how much anything costs. And there’s not a lot of internal incentive to be efficient. So a person with a mysterious chronic health problem that nobody understands can easily rack up some big bills and not have a lot to show for it. And I’m not gonna lie, I’m not independently wealthy. I mean, who is? And if I keep going the way I have the last seven years, I’m gonna end up broke and probably, if I were to be completely honest about my experience, not any healthier. So I’m thinking it’s time to shift gears. Change the way I’m looking at this problem.

gymnastCute little Aiko is quite the gymnast. She can get herself into some pretty odd defying places. And she has been inspiring me to look for solutions in places where they might not be obvious on first glance. Fresh eyes.

bookHere she is with my dad (who btw, is reading my friend, Janice’s book FREEDOM TO THRIVE: RECLAIMING OUR POWER TO HEAL). Don’t get me wrong, my doctor has helped me in a lot of ways. But I think the big shift for me is that the things that are happening in my body are scary. Unsettling at times. And I think when these things happen, a person wants to hear something definitive. They want to understand. They want to know what to expect. They want it to be well, less scary. But here’s the truth. The doctor can’t do that. Make it less scary. The only person who can do that is me. I feel like I’ve been hung up that there’s a right way to deal with a health problem. The ‘accepted way’. But there isn’t really one. We are all different. Different people will react to the same situation in different ways. Depending on all kinds of factors. Personality, will to live, support systems, luck, the position of the sun on the day you were born…whatever!

eco-liciousAs my friend, Joshua, would say…’This is my movie!’ I get to decide how it ends. Hell. I get to decide the whole damn plot. And this movie is not about a sick girl who gets beaten down by the world. Hells no! I mean, let’s be real. I don’t have time for that. I’ve got a business to run. (Cheeses at ECO-LICIOUS in Charlotte).

perelandraAnd in cased you missed the MEMOS, things have been BLOWING UP! I mean, things have gotten SERIOUS! (One of my yoga teachers sent me this pic yesterday from downtown Brooklyn – at PERELANDRA!)

noochIf this kinda situation even happens to a person, it only comes around once in a lifetime. You have to seize the day! (NOOCH in Denver).

harley raeThis is Harley Rae. She’s been teaching me a lot too. Especially about seizing the day. This girl has no fear! (Just like YOKO SHOWED ME).

harley raeI’ve definitely been pushing my body to it’s limits lately. But the thing I have to remember. My new mantra is, ‘I’ve got this!’ This situation was tailor made for me. By me. I just need to hang on to the reins. And not be in such a hurry to give them up when I get overwhelmed by some moment that will pass. I need to just chill out and get things back into balance.

lovey catSo that’s pretty much what I’ve been up to. Getting back into balance. And it seems to be working so far. At least, the HIVES have been getting better. So yeah. Bring it, world! I’ve got this..

date
 

The Writing On The Wall


April 25th, 2013

poop
I’m not going to lie. Things have been a little poopie around here lately. For one thing, it won’t stop snowing. It’s gotten kinda ridiculous. Poor Harley Rae is from Tennessee and isn’t sure what to make of it. Too cold for southern dog! And beyond that, I’ve been feeling like poop too.

eyeIf you’ve been following this blog for a while, you will know that I’ve been struggling with a MYSTERIOUS ILLNESS for a WHILE. It’s kind of a long story. And it’s pretty annoying. But basically, I have a super FREAKED OUT IMMUNE SYSTEM that likes to MALFUNCTION in all kinds of weird ways. For the last seven years, I’ve been diligently going to the doctor trying to get answers. I’ve gotten diagnosed with all kinds of things. Symptoms range from crazy RASHES to DIGESTIVE DISTURBANCES to RESPIRATORY PROBLEMS to BLOOD PROBLEMS to NEUROLOGICAL PROBLEMS to inflammation in weird parts of my body (like my EYEBALL, for example) to being insanely tired to all out ORGANS GOING OFFLINE (not even sure how to describe what happened here…at the time, nobody else did either). Anyway, it’s a long story. But the links (in all caps) go back to the past.

armLately though, things have escalated a lot. First, I got diagnosed with a BLEEDING ULCER. Then, I started to have these crazy rashes all over my body. They’re super itchy. And they pretty much come and go all the time. I’ve had them for a few months now. Sometimes they get really intense. The thing that keeps coming up with all these weird symptoms and the one thing that they all have in common is that they are all complications of LUPUS. The word lupus really freaks people out. Basically, it means that your immune system can’t tell the difference between your own tissue and foreign cells. So it attacks normal tissue in your body. It can happen anywhere. I’ve pretty much had a gut feeling that that’s what is wrong with me since about six months after my TOXIC EXPOSURE. You just know. But whenever I would bring it up, I would get blitzkreiged with all this negativity. NO!! That’s not what you have. It’s all in your head. Are you sure? Take it back! It’s not true!

I get it. Nobody wants me to have lupus. Truth be told, I don’t want to have it either. Having lupus is bad enough. But getting diagnosed with lupus is almost as bad as just having lupus. It’s a total mind f&ck. I’m not kidding. People think you’re crazy when you say that. Which is part of why it’s so messed up. People who don’t know start to think you’re crazy. But it’s actually a real thing. My doctor even told me about it.

lupus bookThis book talks a lot about it too. It’s the definitive book on lupus written by a guy who specializes in it. Basically, it’s a really hard to diagnose disease. There’s a lot of far ranging symptoms that can be caused by a lot of things. So people go around in a limbo for years until it becomes obvious what it is. Meanwhile, you keep finding yourself in messed up situations.  Because nobody around really understands how sick you are.  Going to the doctor involves getting passed around to all these specialists who do all kinds of tests.  And let me tell you, they aren’t cheap.  Not at all.  And in the end, nobody really knows anything.  So it really starts to feel like a dead end after a while.  Which is why I’ve been throwing a tantrum about NOT WANTING TO GO TO THE DOCTOR.  Honestly, I’m still figuring out what I want to do about it. Right now, it’s just kind of this spector that’s casting a shadow over me.

 werewolfThe word lupus means wolf in latin. I guess the disease was named that because most people get diagnosed when they start getting these crazy rashes that make them look wolf-like. It feels more glamorous to me to think of it like I’m turning into a werewolf when it happens. Somehow more poetic than feeling like you have some weird disease. I mean after all, all the best super heroes are weird mutants that turn into werewolves at night. Right?

date
 

It’s Not Lupus. Or Is It?


March 31st, 2013

cute eye
Hello out there! I’m making up for lost blogging time with some progress reports. Lots of people have been asking about my health and how that’s going. I’d like to report that I started my business, rode off into the sunset, and lived happily ever after. And in a sense, I did. But health issues are a learning process. It’s kind of a journey. I feel like I’ve passed a big barrier in not letting them define my life and my future. But to be honest, I’m still figuring it all out.

welt
For the past few months, I’ve been having a sort of never-ending flareup. It started out like this. These welts. Really itchy welts. At first under my arms. But now pretty much everywhere. Sometimes it would be welts.

rash
Sometimes I would get these rashes. Kind of all over. Sometimes they feel like burns. But they’re not. I’m not really sure what they are.

octagonal
Sometimes they have interesting and artistic shapes.

clusterfuk
Sometimes they are clusters of red spots. Like this. Sometimes, they look more like clusters of mosquito bites. But in spots where you don’t really get mosquito bites.

mosquito bites
When I do get mosquito bites, they look more like this. Fluid filled weirdness. (NOTE:  This pic is old.  There are no mosquitoes right now.  It’s winter.  At least in Minnesota.)

Typically, a person might go to the doctor for things like this. And don’t get me wrong, I really like my doctor. And I think we have a good relationship. But I have a very LONG HISTORY of going to the doctor with my weird issues and SPENDING TONS OF MONEY on GETTING THE RUNAROUND. After a while, it becomes an intelligence test. You have to ask yourself some important questions. ‘Is this actually helping me?’ ‘Can I afford this?’ ‘Is this helping me to create a life that I want to live?’ I think the answers to these questions are different for different people. But ultimately, you have to choose the path that’s right for you.

eat more kale
My answer to all the above questions is a resounding no. It’s not helping me. I can’t afford it. And it’s not helping me to create a life I want to live. I feel like it might have been an acceptable path for an era where health insurance actually covered things. But times have changed. Dramatically. And ultimately, I have to be honest with myself. I’ve gotten very little help. I’ve been emotionally and physically abused. I’ve spent thousands and thousands of dollars on a wild goose chase. I’ve gotten no answers. And I’ve wasted hours and hours of my time. It’s not the foundation for a life I want to live. Every now and then, I’ll freak out about some scary symptom that comes up. A month or so ago, it was that I woke up in the middle of the night and barfed up a ball of bloody mucous. I went to the doctor. It turned out I had a bleeding ulcer. Kind of a rite of passage for a new entrepreneur. My blood tests showed that I tested positive again for a couple autoimmune screeners. Rheumatoid factor and ANA (anti-nuclear antibody). Honestly, my gut feeling is that I have lupus. I’ve had this gut feeling for years. Since six months after my toxic exposure. I kind of knew. I think most people know. But I went through years of people telling me it was all in my head. And trying to convince myself otherwise. Ultimately, I realized that this was doing more harm than good. I need to accept who I am. What I am. What I’m going through. I do not need to spend energy denying, trying to fit into other people’s boxes, being in some weird limbo because my test results aren’t consistent with other people’s expectations. It’s not helpful. It’s painful. It feels like a step backward. I’m frankly not capable of humoring the situation any longer. I’m a reasonable person. I’m well mannered. I’m agreeable. It’s really not me. It’s the situation. And this situation isn’t working for me. My doctor suggested that I go to see more specialists (a really expensive, really frustrating, really unfruitful endeavor). This prompted a meltdown where I told her I was never going to the doctor again. Kinda dramatic, I realize. But that’s where I’m at right now. And apparently, this is considered a normal reaction to this situation.

What’s the answer? This is a good question. And one that I’m still kind of processing…

date
 

Vote for Punk Rawk Labs!


June 24th, 2012

kickstarter
Hello out there! It’s been a while since I posted. Things are in flux here. Big time! It all started innocently enough with my OFFICIAL LAUNCH CAMPAIGN on kickstarter. I was just trying to raise enough money to buy equipment to make enough cheese to pay my bills. But somehow that’s NOT WHAT HAPPENED. Not exactly anyway. I mean…don’t get me wrong. I did raise the money to buy the equipment to make small batches of cheese. But then, it just kept going…and going…and it’s still going!

I started selling cheeses ALL OVER THE COUNTRY. Not just selling them…

selling out
…selling out of them! And fast. I can’t keep them in stock. I can’t make them fast enough. And the orders just keep coming. And coming. Success is a beautiful thing! It’s hard to believe at times that this is happening. Though it does bring on it’s own unique issues.

kale 2As many of you are aware, this business was born out of a recovery from some serious health issues. And as many with health issues can attest, it’s a very financially draining situation to recover from. Not exactly the ideal situation for starting a business (which generally requires a lot more financial stability than a medical drama is really conducive to). At the same time, there’s never really an ideal time to start a business. And at the end of the day, you just have to decide. Am I going to make this happen? Or aren’t I?

new shop
So I’m going out on a limb. The next step is to get caught up on orders. And in order to do this, I need a space which can facilitate the production. So that’s what we’re working on now. It’s requiring some creative financing. And it’s also requiring me to step way outside of my comfort zone. A personal growth situation, for sure.

stamp

I will keep you posted on my progress. But in the meantime, I’m one of many businesses that have applied for a $250,000 grant to expand. We could definitely use it! If you have a moment, would you mind going to THIS WEBSITE and searching for ‘Punk Rawk Labs’ and voting for us? We need 250 votes in order to be considered for the grant. Right now, we have about 30. So we could use some help! Thanks for your support!

date
 

Breaking Thru Barriers


February 3rd, 2012

erin
So I don’t know if any of you have been following this story. If you have been following my blog for any length of time, you will know why it’s got me all fired up! ERIN BROKOVICH has caused QUITE A STIR lately by investigating a MYSTERY AILMENT that has been afflicting a cluster of girls in upstate New York who she believes were exposed to toxic materials after a train derailment.

dr drewInterestingly, she relayed some of the pertinent information in the case to Dr. Drew on his show recently. I was actually surprised that it was getting coverage. Because my experience has been that this kind of information is being actively supressed (causing much undeserved pain for people suffering from these issues). Lo and behold, within 24 hours, the CLIP WAS MYSTERIOUSLY REMOVED from their website.

leroy
Make no mistake! This is a gigantic development in the area of environmental illness. I actually suffer from these symptoms myself (as has been documented ON THIS BLOG). Mine also started after I suffered a toxic exposure. I really feel for these girls. It’s really a disturbing thing to have to live with. And there aren’t a lot of answers out there.


WATCH THIS VIDEO!

It’s truly tragic. People suffering with these issues need support. But instead they more often get brushed under the rug. To suffer in silence. I just want to put it out there. I hear you!! I am listening! And I wish that more people were. Just remember. Part of breaking thru barriers is meeting resistance. It’s built into the process. Stay positive and keep pushing, girls! There’s a lot of us out there. And they can’t keep us down forever!

kickstarter
About three and a half days left in my KICKSTARTER CAMPAIGN. Please help me spread the word!

date
 

Anti-Nuclear Meltdown


December 8th, 2011

snow
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, you realize it’s a little cold for your taste. Isn’t that how it always goes? Well, I’ve been having this kind of ongoing discussion with my doctor ever since my LAST MEDICAL MELTDOWN.

eye drama
Remember this one? When my eye swelled up for no reason. Again. They were going to send me back to rheumatology when I had a meltdown. Long story short, I’ve already been there TWICE. It was awful. Really expensive, really emotionally draining, really unproductive, frustrating, and negative. Basically, a step in the wrong direction on multiple levels. So I had a MELTDOWN.

mosquito bite
If you’ve been following this blog for any length of time you will know of my struggle with a MYSTERIOUS AUTOIMMUNE ILLNESS. Despite years of BIZARRE UNEXPLAINED SYMPTOMS and HOSPITALIZATIONS following a TOXIC EXPOSURE. It’s kind of a long story. (An epic saga, if you will).

wheatgrass
In any event, I got the news last week that I tested positive for ANA (anti-nuclear antibody) again. This has actually happened a COUPLE TIMES already. And each time, I went through the testing process and was worked into a tizzy only to be told that it was all in my head. Apparently, this is a pretty common occurrence for people with autoimmune disease. Having a meltdown from being run through the ringer when asking for help is par for the course. According to my doctor, people (who are clearly sick) can go through this process for up to twenty years! And doctors recommend anti-depressants. To help patients get through it. Really? Seriously?! I need to go on drugs to tolerate an unacceptable situation. Two words. NO THANKS!! I’ve done my time. After that, it becomes the recipe for insanity.

I had a long talk with my doctor about it. She seems to understand where I’m coming from. And sympathize. At this point, it appears that it’s one of two things. It’s either lupus. Or it’s some other disease that’s closely related to lupus that doesn’t have a name. So, basically I have lupus. Lupus basically means that you’re immune system is miscalibrated (which mine definitely is). Your immune system attacks normal cells in your body causing disease. I personally think that my immune system is attacking toxic stuff that has become part of my body since my exposure. And the reason I think this is because I have these violent seizure-like episodes (called MYOCLONIC JERKING) at times. It’s always centered on my diaphragm. And it literally feels like my body is trying to kick something out. In the end though, a name is just a name. It’s not going to change my symptoms. It’s not going to make me feel better. Why do I care? I am already self-medicating with my anti-inflammation diet. I’m not interested in going on the drugs. So why put myself through all this? Truly. What is the point? The medical testing and wild goose chase are literally going to bankrupt me. I’m not doing this anymore. I want my life back! And I don’t want to spend the remaining precious energy that I have on pointless dysfunction. I think that as long as patients tolerate this situation, it will be perpetuated.

kits
There are more important things in life. Like, look how cute my kitty is? OK. Technically, she’s my boyfriend’s kitty. But she snuggles with me more (probably because I’m ALLERGIC TO HER).

twin town
Oh yeah. And I love to play guitar. And I used to be in a band. And do all kinds of interesting things. And those things have been passing me by. It’s time to reclaim them.


So that’s what I’m doing. Check it out. I just played a recital with my GUITAR TEACHER, Jeremy, last weekend. And I am getting ready to officially launch my business (stay tuned for details coming soon)! I’m on a mission to rebuild my life on my terms.

flatbread
And it all starts here. Check out my latest video for this RUSTIC HOLIDAY FLATBREAD. My boyfriend says it’s my most creative recipe yet. Not only does it not exacerbate inflammation. Like normal bread. It’s actually anti-inflammatory! I’m filming the companion video for this today. A holiday cheese platter. Check back soon…

date
 

Eleven-Eleven-Eleven


November 11th, 2011

full moon
11/11/11. An auspicious day. With a full moon. This is supposed to be the day when everything reboots. It definitely feels that way for me. Lots of big changes going down this week. According to my horoscope, I’m supposed to start coming up with some big revelations. I’m not sure if that’s really happening yet. I’m not sure if reality has fully sunk in. I haven’t really processed it all.

necklace
Check out this necklace I made for my physical therapist. I had my last session this week. It seemed so surreal. I’ve been going for almost a year and a half. Ever since my BIG CRASH. I’ve come a long way.

walker
From using a walker…to being able to flip myself over…to standing…and walking…and rebuilding muscles…fixing my alignment…and headaches…and nerve damage…and MRIs…and neurosurgeons. It’s been an interesting journey. My physical therapist has seen me through a lot. So, it was kind of sad in a way. It’s sad to say goodbye. It’s also a little scary. Physical therapy is like the warm, fuzzy, security blanket where you can work out issues.

My neurosurgery appointment was good. Good and bad. It was good because I was not really FEELING THE SURGERY idea. (I was having a pretty strong intuition against it, in fact). And luckily, neither was the neurosurgeon. He said I probably do have nerve damage in my neck and shoulder. But they can’t fix it with surgery because I have arthritis! Who knew? I guess I have spondylosis in my spine. Apparently, people who have that respond really badly to surgery. Well, I tell you what…I have never been so happy to be told I have arthritis. :)

century
In another bizarre twist of fate/harbinger of change, I was invited to speak to a class of college students about raw food/healthcare. I took one picture. And I think I had the camera on a really low light setting in a really high tungsten kind of lighting. It looks kind of cool. The students were great. I was really surprised at their questions. They were really on the ball. And curious about what I ate the day before. And what I ate when I was in the HOSPITAL. And they asked really smart questions. Good vibes.

charlie brownAnd in case that isn’t enough evidence that things are starting to shift, the weather changed this week. We’ve been flirting with the colder weather. But this week was the first real freeze. Time to bring in the plants. Look at this little habanero plant. It’s so cute. It looks just like CHARLIE BROWN’S CHRISTMAS. Winter is definitely on the way. So here we go. Head first into an uncertain future. But one with limitless possibilities. And good karma. Wish me luck! I’m not necessarily seeing the answer right at this moment. But I trust that it’s there.

nettle latte
Oh and PS! I posted a new video this week featuring my dear friend, HEIDI (who I never would have made it through this health debacle without). We made a NETTLE LATTE. Check it out…

date
 

Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes


October 29th, 2011


I remember when that record came out (GRACELAND – the one with DIAMONDS ON THE SOLES OF HER SHOES). I loved it so much. I played it over and over. And there’s even a song dedicated to me on it…YOU CAN CALL ME AL. He has a new song that just came out this year that I LOVE LOVE LOVE too. Kind of relevant to my health care conundrum. :)

angle shelfYou can barely make out my wheatgrass operation in the left side of my living room photo. It’s all records and wheatgrass. (That’s where it’s at. The secrets to healing). :)  Anyway, as you can see I have a nice little supply of wheatgrass going.  My boyfriend bought 35 lbs. of seeds.  So, I’m going to town.  I’ve actually been putting off writing this post because I have so much to say about this.  If you’ve been following my blog for any length of time, you will know of my WHEATGRASS ADDICTION.

tray
I even made a VIDEO ABOUT HOW TO GROW IT YOURSELF. I have to say that in the course of trying to heal myself, I have tried many, many things. And to be honest, a lot of them didn’t work. But wheatgrass is the cheapest, most powerful thing I’ve tried. And yet, most people are reluctant to try it. I think that most people find it difficult to fit into their lifestyles. But I actually think that’s part of the point that the grass is trying to make to us. If you are willing to listen to it.

diamond
I go in and out of sync with it. Truth be told. But right now, I’m in big time. How do I know this? Because the grass lets me know when it’s happy. When it’s perfectly happy, it makes these perfect little dew drops at the tip of each blade. They look like diamonds!

dew drops
How amazing is that? I am on a wheatgrass roll! My little trays have been coming out so perfectly. So green! With diamonds! And no mold. :)

tray base
And can I just tell you how amazing this stuff is for your LIVER? It’s truly profound. So much so that it probably deserves it’s own post. But I will say this…Right now, I am breaking through some huge barriers that have been holding me back for a long, long time. And I truly believe a lot of it has to do with this grass. More on this later. Wish me luck! Next week, is my follow up with the NEUROSURGEON. I’ve been kind of in denial about this since everyone has been gently bringing up the idea of back surgery with me (an idea which I am not really in sync with). Don’t worry though. I’m not nervous. I’ve already decided that I am an empowered being and the ultimate decision rests with me. :)

date
 

Rock Bottom


August 4th, 2011

inspired window
I feel like I’m bottoming out. Things aren’t looking too good. At least on paper. But somehow, I have this sort of delusional perception of reality that says otherwise. I absolutely do not see it right now. The solution. But miracles happen every day. Right? Is that crazy? I got some more bad news this week. My MRI RESULTS. Maybe they didn’t TELL ME ALL AT ONCE so I wouldn’t get depressed. Basically, they were as bad as they thought. Worse even. My back is a mess. I have a bunch of damaged discs. I don’t even remember how many. Five or six. Two are torn, and the rest are just bulging into my spine. Thus, the nerve problems. I’ve had three different doctors tell me I might have to get back surgery. Not exactly what I wanted to hear.

mosquito bite
The stress is making my body do lots of weird things. Like really bad MYOCLONIC JERKING. And this. It’s a mosquito bite. And some days, it feels like I’m losing the function of my right hand. I actually feel like I’m doing lots of positive things for my health. (In case you haven’t noticed). It’s just mainly the stress that I haven’t gotten a handle on. But sometimes, stressful things just happen. Or a strings of them. And you do the best you can.

kitty
Kitty has been really protective of me lately. It’s pretty cute. She follows me around wherever I go. And when I leave, she waits by the door for me. Other people’s pets have been acting weird too. The other day, I went to a friend’s house (when I had the above blister). And as soon as I walked in the door, their dog freaked out. She honed in on the blister right away and started licking it like crazy. And after that, she just calmed down and went and sat in the corner. It was very strange. So, even though things look bad on paper, I get the feeling that there are larger forces at work looking after me. I’d like to think so anyway…

date