Archive for the 'Disc Issues' Category

Eleven-Eleven-Eleven


November 11th, 2011

full moon
11/11/11. An auspicious day. With a full moon. This is supposed to be the day when everything reboots. It definitely feels that way for me. Lots of big changes going down this week. According to my horoscope, I’m supposed to start coming up with some big revelations. I’m not sure if that’s really happening yet. I’m not sure if reality has fully sunk in. I haven’t really processed it all.

necklace
Check out this necklace I made for my physical therapist. I had my last session this week. It seemed so surreal. I’ve been going for almost a year and a half. Ever since my BIG CRASH. I’ve come a long way.

walker
From using a walker…to being able to flip myself over…to standing…and walking…and rebuilding muscles…fixing my alignment…and headaches…and nerve damage…and MRIs…and neurosurgeons. It’s been an interesting journey. My physical therapist has seen me through a lot. So, it was kind of sad in a way. It’s sad to say goodbye. It’s also a little scary. Physical therapy is like the warm, fuzzy, security blanket where you can work out issues.

My neurosurgery appointment was good. Good and bad. It was good because I was not really FEELING THE SURGERY idea. (I was having a pretty strong intuition against it, in fact). And luckily, neither was the neurosurgeon. He said I probably do have nerve damage in my neck and shoulder. But they can’t fix it with surgery because I have arthritis! Who knew? I guess I have spondylosis in my spine. Apparently, people who have that respond really badly to surgery. Well, I tell you what…I have never been so happy to be told I have arthritis. :)

century
In another bizarre twist of fate/harbinger of change, I was invited to speak to a class of college students about raw food/healthcare. I took one picture. And I think I had the camera on a really low light setting in a really high tungsten kind of lighting. It looks kind of cool. The students were great. I was really surprised at their questions. They were really on the ball. And curious about what I ate the day before. And what I ate when I was in the HOSPITAL. And they asked really smart questions. Good vibes.

charlie brownAnd in case that isn’t enough evidence that things are starting to shift, the weather changed this week. We’ve been flirting with the colder weather. But this week was the first real freeze. Time to bring in the plants. Look at this little habanero plant. It’s so cute. It looks just like CHARLIE BROWN’S CHRISTMAS. Winter is definitely on the way. So here we go. Head first into an uncertain future. But one with limitless possibilities. And good karma. Wish me luck! I’m not necessarily seeing the answer right at this moment. But I trust that it’s there.

nettle latte
Oh and PS! I posted a new video this week featuring my dear friend, HEIDI (who I never would have made it through this health debacle without). We made a NETTLE LATTE. Check it out…

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Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes


October 29th, 2011


I remember when that record came out (GRACELAND – the one with DIAMONDS ON THE SOLES OF HER SHOES). I loved it so much. I played it over and over. And there’s even a song dedicated to me on it…YOU CAN CALL ME AL. He has a new song that just came out this year that I LOVE LOVE LOVE too. Kind of relevant to my health care conundrum. :)

angle shelfYou can barely make out my wheatgrass operation in the left side of my living room photo. It’s all records and wheatgrass. (That’s where it’s at. The secrets to healing). :)  Anyway, as you can see I have a nice little supply of wheatgrass going.  My boyfriend bought 35 lbs. of seeds.  So, I’m going to town.  I’ve actually been putting off writing this post because I have so much to say about this.  If you’ve been following my blog for any length of time, you will know of my WHEATGRASS ADDICTION.

tray
I even made a VIDEO ABOUT HOW TO GROW IT YOURSELF. I have to say that in the course of trying to heal myself, I have tried many, many things. And to be honest, a lot of them didn’t work. But wheatgrass is the cheapest, most powerful thing I’ve tried. And yet, most people are reluctant to try it. I think that most people find it difficult to fit into their lifestyles. But I actually think that’s part of the point that the grass is trying to make to us. If you are willing to listen to it.

diamond
I go in and out of sync with it. Truth be told. But right now, I’m in big time. How do I know this? Because the grass lets me know when it’s happy. When it’s perfectly happy, it makes these perfect little dew drops at the tip of each blade. They look like diamonds!

dew drops
How amazing is that? I am on a wheatgrass roll! My little trays have been coming out so perfectly. So green! With diamonds! And no mold. :)

tray base
And can I just tell you how amazing this stuff is for your LIVER? It’s truly profound. So much so that it probably deserves it’s own post. But I will say this…Right now, I am breaking through some huge barriers that have been holding me back for a long, long time. And I truly believe a lot of it has to do with this grass. More on this later. Wish me luck! Next week, is my follow up with the NEUROSURGEON. I’ve been kind of in denial about this since everyone has been gently bringing up the idea of back surgery with me (an idea which I am not really in sync with). Don’t worry though. I’m not nervous. I’ve already decided that I am an empowered being and the ultimate decision rests with me. :)

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Forty


September 13th, 2011

yoga
Well, it happened. The day that always seemed so far off has arrived. I’m now officially over 40. Can you believe it? It hasn’t fully sunk in yet. My boyfriend snapped this picture on the last day of my thirties. Not bad for a girl who needs BACK SURGERY, right? I am waiting to board a flight to Seattle right now to celebrate. So my philosophical musings on being old will have to wait.

fair
In the meantime, I just posted a new video on PRL TV. It’s about eating healthy at the STATE FAIR. Uh Oh. Final boarding call…

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Nowhere To Go But Up


August 21st, 2011

wine and food travel
Well, the best thing about HITTING BOTTOM is that there’s nowhere to go but up. A couple weeks ago, I had hit an impasse. But this week, I’m back in the game! In fact, I’m being featured right now in WINE AND FOOD TRAVEL magazine! I’m bouncing back in style.

daiquiri
I’ve been getting by with a little help from my friends. It’s amazing. Just when I thought I was fully out of steam, I look up to find everyone rooting for me. Even people I didn’t realize. Not to get mushy, but it’s the kind of thing that makes a person get a little drippy in the eyes. Just finished a new video for PRL TV featuring MAKENA. Her mom is the genius behind KRISTEN’S FRONT PORCH GROCERY AND LOUNGE (a video on this is in the works)! These two ladies and I should start a band called ‘Survivor’. Ok. Maybe not. But how about ‘The Multidimensional Thread’? Kinda catchy, right? I play violin. Makena plays cello. And Kristen plays piano. Or at least, that’s how it’s starting out. We’ll see how it evolves.

kitty chair
This is kitty’s new chair. I inherited it from someone in my building who left it behind. I love it. And so does kitty.

patties
It matches perfectly with the peppermint patties I’ve been addicted to lately from MATTHEW KENNEY’S DESSERT book. It’s harvest time around here. And right now I’m scrambling to figure out what to do with all this mint!

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Rock Bottom


August 4th, 2011

inspired window
I feel like I’m bottoming out. Things aren’t looking too good. At least on paper. But somehow, I have this sort of delusional perception of reality that says otherwise. I absolutely do not see it right now. The solution. But miracles happen every day. Right? Is that crazy? I got some more bad news this week. My MRI RESULTS. Maybe they didn’t TELL ME ALL AT ONCE so I wouldn’t get depressed. Basically, they were as bad as they thought. Worse even. My back is a mess. I have a bunch of damaged discs. I don’t even remember how many. Five or six. Two are torn, and the rest are just bulging into my spine. Thus, the nerve problems. I’ve had three different doctors tell me I might have to get back surgery. Not exactly what I wanted to hear.

mosquito bite
The stress is making my body do lots of weird things. Like really bad MYOCLONIC JERKING. And this. It’s a mosquito bite. And some days, it feels like I’m losing the function of my right hand. I actually feel like I’m doing lots of positive things for my health. (In case you haven’t noticed). It’s just mainly the stress that I haven’t gotten a handle on. But sometimes, stressful things just happen. Or a strings of them. And you do the best you can.

kitty
Kitty has been really protective of me lately. It’s pretty cute. She follows me around wherever I go. And when I leave, she waits by the door for me. Other people’s pets have been acting weird too. The other day, I went to a friend’s house (when I had the above blister). And as soon as I walked in the door, their dog freaked out. She honed in on the blister right away and started licking it like crazy. And after that, she just calmed down and went and sat in the corner. It was very strange. So, even though things look bad on paper, I get the feeling that there are larger forces at work looking after me. I’d like to think so anyway…

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Reading Between The Lines


July 31st, 2011

nighttime
Well, things haven’t been looking so good on paper lately. But given how inaccurately my paper trail has reflected my reality in the past, I’m not taking it too seriously. (If you are just tuning in, some examples of this might be an unusual and difficult to diagnose AILMENT which afflicts only the most eccentric of people and ensuing LEGAL DEBACLE. I haven’t even mentioned yet the time I got investigated by the health department. But that’s a long story, and it’s getting late).

avo nori
The bad news is that they think I have nerve damage in my upper back too. This prompted an MRI recently which revealed some (not so) surprising insights. Apparently, I have some pleural effusions? Basically, this means that there is fluid building up around the lining of my lungs. This can be caused by AUTOIMMUNE or LIVER disease (the two elephants that always seems to be hanging out at my doctor’s office whenever I show up).


I’ve actually been feeling like I have a build up of some sort in my abdomen for a LONG TIME. I wasn’t really sure if it was fluid or fat. Looking back though, the fluid theory actually makes a lot of sense. It explains why I responded so well to lymphatic drainage, and it was brought up at least once by my colon hydrotherapist/friend, HEIDI. So the findings aren’t terribly surprising although I was expecting to hear more about the nerve problem than my ‘beer gut’.

sour cherries
In other news, sour cherries already came and went for this year. I can’t wait for them to come back around.


I made the most amazing pie!! The sour cherry tart is a definite winner. It was a recipe from RAW FOOD. REAL WORLD.

rasp
I made a raspberry version for my boyfriend because he doesn’t like cherries. Who doesn’t like cherries?!! The other day, I was in the produce aisle picking cherries, and a girl came up behind and said, ‘They’re like summertime crack.’ That pretty much sums it up. My boyfriend is missing out!

tomatoes
I’m also just starting to see my first tomatoes from the GARDEN. The basil is looking really good right now too.

cheeses
Despite all the uncertainty surrounding my health, things are actually going pretty well. My CHEESES are selling quite well in the BIG APPLE thanks to the folks at LIVE LIVE AND ORGANIC.

kombuchaI’m also starting to sprinkle some MUSICAL GUESTS into my UNCOOKING SHOW. This week, I had my first one. They are pretty much my favorite band right now. And the song goes perfectly with the KOMBUCHA episode. Definitely worth checking out if you haven’t yet.  Kombucha is pretty easy to make, and it’s much cheaper when you do(esp. if you have an addict boyfriend like I do).  Incidentally, my boyfriend is on tour again.  And this week, he worked at a really cool festival called FLOYD FEST?  He said the back stage catering included raw food, two self serve juicers with tons of fruits and veggies, and some local kombucha called BUCHI.  How cool is that?

cute apronThe FARMER’S MARKET is going really well too. I love the farmer’s market. I’ve been connecting with some great folks. This week, we had a guest vendor in the booth next to me called SEEDLING DESIGN. She was making these cute little aprons. I snatched one up right away with a matching money pouch to keep my cash in. Two weeks ago, my entire pile of money got caught up in a strong wind and blew all my earnings all over the market. Everyone was scurrying to grab dollars. It was insane! Needless to say, I’ve been looking for a better system to deal with that. And I didn’t have to look very far. The answer found me!  I love it!!  So in essence, I’m not getting too discouraged by the medical dramas.  I actually ‘feel’ like I am making a lot of progress.  Healing is messy.  It’s kind of like cleaning your room.  Sometimes things have to get a little chaotic on the way to a new order.  This is all a work in progress.  And progress is something I am definitely making at the moment!!  I’ll keep you posted..

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Purple Haze


July 11th, 2011

purple haze
The sky outside my CHEF’S WINDOW has been pretty ominous and volatile lately. This was a beautifully intense storm that happened around sunset the other day. I think this is a good sign. There’s plenty of musical evidence out there that says so.


Jimi saw it. And he was flowing with the pulse. That’s for sure.


And let’s not forget about the most amazing super bowl half-time performance ever. Prince was looking at the same purple sky. (He’s from here, you know.)

fireworks
Lots of WILD THINGS going on in my world these days. Check out the fireworks from my friend Mark’s boat. We enjoyed the 4th on the MISSISSIPPI RIVER. It’s amazing how not crowded it was.

freedom chia
Here’s my 4th of July inspired breakfast pudding: chia seeds, almond milk, strawberries, blueberries, banana. It’s healthy and it matches my calendar. My boyfriend just bought a ton of chia seeds for me to experiment with.

me on the fourth
In other news, I’ve run into another setback of sorts. As they say, bad news comes in threes. So I should be good after this. The last few weeks have been brutal. First, I found out of have some RARE DISEASE inspired by my toxic exposure (not surprising if you’ve been following this blog for a while). Then, I found out that the person who KNOWINGLY EXPOSED ME is getting away with it because of some legal technicalities. This basically means that I must shoulder the cost on my own (this has been an extremely expensive setback). Frustrating (more for the injustice than anything), but injustice happens every day. Now, I am running into a road block related to my CRASH. Is it just me? Or is this starting to sound like boot camp for superheroes? It’s kind of a long story. Where to start?

trigger pointsA couple months ago, I found out I have a DISC INJURY in my lower back. This is causing complications like not being able to stand at times and my leg going numb. I have been having trouble with my arm too, but that was seemingly a muscle problem. So, I went in for some trigger point injections (in pretty much the spots shown here). I was reluctant to try this for a long time. I wanted to try the natural methods first. But after a year of trying REALLY HARD, I was not seeing much progress. And I got to thinking…in an ideal world, I could heal this naturally.

side view
But then again…in an ideal world, I would not be absorbing this kind of impact. I think the body has the capacity to heal from a lot. But I also think that this type of injury was not built into the original plan. Perhaps, an unnatural injury deserves an unnatural response. So I decided to try the trigger point injections. Basically, they inject a needle into the spasming muscle and this causes it to relax. Typically, they also inject a steroid. But I opted to do my treatment sans steroid. And I think this was a good choice for me (given my LIVER issues). I actually feel like the injections released a lot of energy. There were big muscle spasms that happened. And the area feels less dense. But unfortunately, the pain in my shoulder is still flaring up. Apparently, this means that I might have a damaged nerve root. And that I likely have a disc injury in my upper back as well.

croutons.
Oy vey! If it’s not one thing, it’s another. The universe is really sending me a message loud and clear. Though I’m not sure if I’ve fully absorbed it yet. I trust that this is going to inspire some really unique and creative solution. That it will send me on a path that I never would have come up with on my own. But I’m not sure if I’ve figured out what that is yet. I can say with certainty that I probably won’t be entering any gymnastics competitions, running any marathons, or breeding anytime soon. But I am eating really well. And coming up with some wild ideas. So, I will keep you posted on my progress…

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The Gift Of The Absurd


June 27th, 2011

circus
Is it just me? Or does it seem like life has been getting more and more absurd lately? People have lost their grasp on reality. Or maybe reality is just too undesirable for people to see right now. So we create these barriers. The foundation for the most insanely absurd world ever to be. That’s what it feels like to me right now.

tsaExhibit A. This poor woman is dying. She’s 95 years old, and she was trying to get on a plane to visit family and share her final moments. She unwittingly became embroiled in a TSA scandal after they felt something funny in her depends. They literally forced her to remove her depends so they could be inspected. I actually got into an interesting discussion about this last night. I understand the reason for the increased security. Of course. We all want to be safe. But when our barriers get so high that we can’t see the pain we are inflicting on a dying 95 year old woman, it’s time to reflect. Isn’t it?

hospital
I am going through something related to this. Five years ago, I was in perfect health. Then, I was exposed to toxic sewer gas in the home I was renting. I’ve gone into this IN MORE DETAIL in earlier posts. The medical aspect of it is absurd. It’s frustrating. And I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I have struggled and fought hard for my health with mysterious issues that are debilitating and expensive. I swam upstream through a medical system that offered very little help or answers. But the most painful part of it to me is the injustice. This issue will more than likely cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars over the course of my life and all so that my former landlord could save a few thousand dollars on maintenance. And while he admits to knowingly exposing me to this gas, I’m out of luck. They can’t prove what caused my illness because they don’t know what it is. A perfectly healthy person develops a bizarre immune system and/or liver disorder after being exposed to toxic gas, and he contends that it’s a coincidence. Are you kidding? Really? And the most insane part of it is that he gets away with it. And why? Because this world is absurd! Or perhaps, more realistically, because there is no money to be made from this particular incarnation of misfortune.

autoimmune epidemicI am not the first person this has happened to. Author, DONNA JACKSON NAKAZAWA, has written a book about this. That the incidence of autoimmune related illnesses is skyrocketing. She believes it is from the increasing onslaught of toxic substances that we are exposed to in the modern world. Our immune systems are breaking down, and the medical establishment is creating barriers because nobody is ready to deal with the issue. I am here to tell you though, these barriers are hurting innocent people! This is a problem that is not going to go away. You can only brush it under the rug for so long.

foreclosure crisis
Unfortunately, my problem is only one problem in a sea of problems that people are now attempting to brush under the rug. The foreclosure crisis is affecting many, many more.

financial crisis
Not to mention the impending financial doom that everyone can’t stop talking about. Is it just me? Or are people getting sick of seeing the bad guys winning? Over and over. Enough already! It’s insane.

crash aftermath
Today is officially the ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY of my BIG CRASH. A time to reflect. A time to look back at how far I’ve come. The last few weeks, I’ll admit I’ve been down and out. I get depressed and hopeless sometimes. It seems like the obstacles never end. Some days, I just want my old life back. Before all of this craziness. It seems so unfair. But what I’m realizing is that dwelling on that just sets me back further. Physically, it triggers my autoimmune issues. And emotionally, I just get depressed. I need to change my outlook. This is absurd. It’s insane. It’s hilarious! Really. It’s like Bill Clinton saying he didn’t inhale. Or Anthony Weiner sending weiner pictures to people on the internet. It makes no sense! So why am I taking it so seriously? No more! I am going to find away out of this mess. And the answers are going to be hilarious…and creative…and a gift! Mark my words.

Exhibit B
Exhibit B. This is my friend, Kristen. She is amazing! She is a musician and a single mom and a survivor. She is recovering from a brain tumor. But you would never know it. She has the most amazing gift for finding joy in every situation. This week, she has gifted me with one of her amazing, creative solutions. One of my big obstacles right now is getting around the limitations. I am selling my products in two wonderful venues, LIVE LIVE AND ORGANIC and the NE FARMER’S MARKET. I would do more, but I can’t. I physically can’t make that much product because of my issues. My leg goes numb if I stand too long, and I have to wear a pain machine the entire time I am working. I would hire someone to help me. But unfortunately, my landlord left me with a mortgage worth of bills to pay so I could save him a little money. I have to find a creative solution. Enter Kristen!

kristen
Kristen started ‘Kristen’s Front Porch Grocery and Lounge’. She has brought some amazing people together. On her porch. There are a number of products available. KALE CHIPS. Tempeh. Fresh vegetables. A CSA drop. And salsa is coming soon, I hear. It’s about as local as you get! She is amazingly selling a LOT of chips! I am actually having trouble keeping up with the demand. But best of all, it is a low pressure gig. Perfect for healing!


Yesterday, she had a front porch social hour where I met Ryan (who makes the tempeh) and Sarah (who grows the veggies). It’s so inspiring to see people coming together and getting around the obstacles. We can do this! THANK YOU, KRISTEN for reminding me that we are empowered and enlightened beings. We have the answers! And we don’t need to give them away. Maybe the bad guys do always win. But their game is crashing and burning all around. And the good guys are rising from the ashes! VIVA LA REVOLUCION!

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Head In The Clouds


June 2nd, 2011

clouds
Well, I think it’s fair to say that I’ve had my head in the clouds lately while I contemplate my next move. If you’re just tuning in, I found out last week that I have a ‘FISSURE’ IN A DISC in my lower back. I just had a follow up with my doctor and learned some interesting things. It could be that there is just a rip in the disc OR it could be that it’s actually ruptured and the goo is leaking out. They can’t tell for sure until they do a discogram. Needless to say, my head is spinning with possibilities. Like, what does this mean for my nascent CHEF BUSINESS? Do I have time for this? Can’t they see that my business is taking off? I mean, don’t they know that I’m HUGE IN NEW YORK? :) (Kind of like the Tom Waits song. BIG IN JAPAN). Admittedly, this is not exactly how I planned things would go. But really, none of this has gone ACCORDING TO PLAN, and it hasn’t stopped me yet. It’s just a matter of unlocking the key to the silver lining. Right now, I’m still a bit puzzled…trying to make some sense of it. I just have to remember to stay open to the answers.

kale bed
In the meantime, gardening is a great way to keep your feet on the ground while you contemplate possibilities. This is my up and coming kale forest. I had one LAST YEAR too. Though last year, I didn’t get to tend to my garden as well as I would have liked because of the ACCIDENT. Actually, last year my garden was kind of a chaotic mess. This year is going to be better. I can tell. The weather is already being much more cooperative.

tomatos herbs lettuce
This bed is a little more heterogeneous than the kale forest. It’s got tomatoes, herbs, peppers, and several varieties of lettuce/greens. Have I mentioned how much I LOVE GARDENING? I filmed a video of me setting up my garden this year for PUNK RAWK LABS TV. It’s going to be a good one…

arugula sprouts
These cute little arugula sprouts that are just starting to see the light of day. This year, I think I timed things better. So that everything won’t come due at the same time. Hopefully this will help me eat things more efficiently.

wild spinach
This little guy is a wild spinach seedling sprouted from the BLACKBIRD NATURALS seeds I GOT IN THE MAIL recently. They are purple! The swiss chard behind it is also looking lovely. It’s just starting to perk up.

strawberries
The strawberry plant is starting to flower too. Soon, I will be enjoying the best strawberries I will have all year. I can’t wait.

straw lemonadeThis is a glass of raspberry lemonade I made for myself right before I took my bike ride to the garden. I just threw a couple raspberries in at the end and did a pulse. Mmm…so good! I highly recommend this. A very refreshing pre-bike ride delight for a hot summer day. Summer comes in short spurts up here in the NORTH COUNTRY. So you’ve got to appreciate it while you can.
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mississippi
Here is me riding my bike over the mighty Mississippi on my way home from the garden. I try to ride my bike there a few times a week as part of my physical therapy. I love having a reason to check in with her (the river). She has inspired so many great works of art.


One of my favorite songs about her is BIG RIVER by JOHNNY CASH. I love how he talks about meeting her accidentally in St. Paul, MN. Just like me. I live in St. Paul, but my garden is in Minneapolis (just across the river).

mpls skyline
Here’s a pic of the Minneapolis skyline from the Mississippi River bridge the other day. Part stormy. Part inspired. That’s pretty much me right now in a nutshell. :)

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The Mind-Body Connection


May 26th, 2011

window
It’s amazing at times how things come together. Things which are seemingly unrelated coincide uncannily with other things that your conscious mind sees as separate. It makes you realize who’s really running the show sometimes. This is a pic from my continuing window series, THE VIEW FROM MY CHEF’S TABLE.

wakingThis week, the recurring theme in my subconscious is the mind-body connection. It all started innocently enough. I got a message from my boyfriend’s sister, Julie. She started yoga this week. She needed a ride, and I offered to take her. Normally, it would be a bit of a trek, but this week in particular it was meant to be. I was scheduled to get my MRI close by at around the time she needed to go. PLUS, this was a very special yoga class. An adaptive yoga class taught by MATTHEW SANFORD. After my CAR CRASH, I came across his truly inspiring story. He was paralyzed in a horrible crash at the age of 13. This story chronicles his healing journey. He is now an expert on the mind-body connection, and he teaches adaptive yoga for people with disabilities. Julie has spina bifida. I had mentioned the book to her at the time, and she had heard of Matthew Sanford.  That little seed sprouted into her signing up for his class.  Monday just so happened to be the day of her first class and my MRI. An interesting coincidence (as you’ll come to see).

matthew sanford
Matthew Sanford was fascinating. I was too shy to go talk to him, but I was very impressed with him. He had very radiant energy. Limitless. That’s the first thing you notice about him when he comes into the room. This is a topic which he touched on in his book and the class. That yoga helped him to become conscious of this energy and how it moved through his body. He also talks a lot about the mind-body connection (which I find fascinating).

crash
After the CRASH, an interesting thing happened to me (which Matthew Sanford describes in his book). Many survivors of these types of accidents speak of this phenomenon. I became very euphoric. I giggled a lot. People would ask me why I was so giddy after being in a crash. Things that were supposed to hurt..didn’t. I just didn’t feel anything. Because of my LIVER ISSUES, I wasn’t really able to take any of the pain medications that were prescribed. And I think this only heightened a sort of natural endorphin response. I felt very connected to something otherworldly. I had the sense that there were guardian angels watching over me.

chair
The mechanics of the crash were truly awe inspiring to me. The door that received the impact of the crash came to the middle of the steering wheel. I was sitting in the driver’s seat. In this seat. It was hard for me to fathom how I survived this crash short of a miracle.

aura
Not long after this happened, I had a picture of my aura taken on a whim. I’m generally kind of skeptical about this kind of thing. But the outcome was interesting. The girl asked me if I was healing from some major illness, and I said ‘Yes. Why do you ask?’ She said my aura was all white which usually means the body is in a major healing crisis. They also had designation for how much of you manifested as body, mind, and spirit. I was 0% body, 1% mind, and 99% spirit. Matthew Sanford speaks a lot in his book of disconnecting from his body when things became too painful. That much of his healing journey involved him figuring out how to reconnect with his broken body on a conscious level. That you separate from your body as a protective mechanism. And that in going back to it, you reconnect with the pain and memories of what happened to it. I feel like I have been going through a process of this ever since the crash. And it has been hitting me over the head this week.

fissure
Yesterday, I went in to get the results of my MRI. This isn’t actually mine, but this is what it looked like. What I found out was that I have a ‘fissure’. I’ve never heard of this. Apparently, this means that one of the discs between my L4/L5 vertebrae (the one picture here) is ripped. The gelatin-like stuff inside is leaking out and bulging into my spinal cord. This is causing some nerve problems where my leg goes numb, etc. What’s interesting is that I believe that this natural endorphin response/disconnect from my body has allowed me to tolerate the pain of this injury really well. I’m not even consciously aware that I am doing it. But I think the stress of doing this all the time is causing me to have headaches. I should qualify this statement with the fact that I have no scientific basis for saying this. It’s just my instinct. I am reconnecting with my body little by little! And it is teaching me some very important lessons. I’ll keep you posted on my progress…

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