Well, I’ve reached a critical part of my journey. I’m about to break through into the land of the living. To functional from dysfunctional. And I’ve been working long and hard at it. This last part is one of the toughest. Lots of baggage to let go of…physical and otherwise. I am fighting the good fight! There are starting to be some glimmers of hope. Miraculous ones.
My cheeses are now being offered in the juice bar at PURE FOOD AND WINE. It’s amazing! Who would have ever thought it would happen? The OTHER STORE in NYC that is carrying my cheese called me to tell me that customers were complaining that they were out of stock. Word is getting out! I am struggling to keep up with demand. Things are starting to shift. Big time. It’s exciting. And nerve wracking. It seems the only thing holding me back at this moment is the money issue. This has always been the hardest piece for me to let go of. Being Asian.
The universe wouldn’t lead me all this way just to fail at the end. I need to keep the faith! Keep pushing ahead. And trust. I can do this!
Two weeks left on my KICKSTARTER CAMPAIGN. I can definitely use some help getting the word out! Thanks!
Happy New Year! This post is a little delayed. Forgive me. For I have been BUSY. But I had to take a moment to absorb this because it was so inspiring to me on so many levels. How did I ring in 2012? I spent it watching THE PLASTIC ONO BAND and the FLAMING LIPS in Oklahoma City. (Thus, the visit to my ALMA MATER).
The show did not disappoint. It was so thrilling. I really struggled to be there (due to my MYSTERIOUS LUPUS-LIKE AILMENT). But I fought for it and one (this was a typo which I decided to leave as is). They really went all out. The lights and the balloons were incredible. No expense was spared. It was absolutely breathtaking. Yoko is an artist of the highest caliber. She is amazing. I can’t say enough nice things about her. She is such a rare gem. Intelligent, fierce, intuitive, compassionate, and actualized. Most people go through life living from the outside in. Only very rarely do you encounter a person who is truly actualized. From the inside out. Like Yoko. She is a woman who was so far ahead of her time that a lot of people still don’t get it.
The show opened with Yoko singing, ‘It happened at a time in our life when I least expected…’ followed by the most gut-wrenching, raw, painful wail you have ever heard. It was abrasive. And it came out of nowhere. And just blew you away. So much pain. Transformed into art. Truly incredible.
The band was super tight. But also loose. In the best possible way. One of my favorite moments was watching Nels and Yoko going off on each other. Nels also plays in the band, Wilco. But he’s really versatile. My boyfriend has toured with him a couple times. So I’ve heard a lot of his more experimental stuff. And I’ve seen him play quite a few times. He can be pretty out there. The first time I saw him play, I was bowled over by this bizarre sound. I couldn’t figure out what it was. It was out of this world. So I started looking closer at what was going on. And I noticed that Nels was literally playing his guitar with a springed coil. Instead of a pic. The guy can get wacky! But Nels with Yoko is a very interesting combination. Yoko introduced this crazy noise jam by saying, ‘This is a song that I first played with John. And then Sean. And now Nels…It’s about my childhood or something.’ (Who knew that Yoko has such a dry sense of humor. I am particularly fascinated by this because my mother is Japanese. About the same age as Yoko. And I had always assumed it was because of the language barrier that she didn’t have a sense of humor. It’s not that she doesn’t have one exactly. But something like this would definitely fly under her radar. That is making a connection to another culture that is very unusual for a foreigner). She then proceeded to rock this jam with Nels.
She almost sounds like a guitar. She’s just fully out there. No holds barred. And Nels gets in there and juices it up. It’s unbelievable. She just has no fear. She’s just out there. No safety net. No predictable structure. She’s so fearless that it’s beautifully poetic. Not in a contrived way. But just real. And raw. And present. And truly her own. I feel like this was the reason I needed to be there. I needed to see this. And I needed to draw inspiration from it. This is supposed to be my mantra for 2012. ‘No fear’. It’s like when a person gets sick, they inevitably encounter all kinds of overwhelming situations where they don’t measure up. And I think that in response, a person naturally develops a sense of fear. Of being in situations where they will be overwhelmed. And this is protective and helpful to a point. But in order to rejoin the world of the living, you reach a point where you have to release that fear. I am at that point now. And I think this is why I needed to see Yoko. And why she resonated with me so much.
The show was hard for me. Mostly the crowd. It was a very packed room. And I often felt overwhelmed. Like the air was too thin. And I might pass out. And I kept going to the back of the venue. To get more air. But I wasn’t leaving. No matter what.
The Lips set was also amazing. Wayne came out in his bubble again. My boyfriend shot this FOOTAGE OF HIM (For some reason, this drat computer won’t let me embed this video. So you have to click to it. Definitely worth it). Truly surreal. The amazing light show and the bubble plus the lips. It was like being in an alternate universe. It was so great that we went two nights in a row. I paid for it though. I spent the entire next day with my head in a garbage bag. But hey! That’s the price you pay sometimes.
This is 2012. No more living in the protective bubble of being sick. It’s time to pop the bubble and get out there and rock. Just like Wayne. And Yoko. I am going to live my life on my terms. And that’s all there is to it. If I allow myself to live in fear of my illness, I will be defined by it. I don’t want that. I am the definer here! And guess what? No illness is going to hold this girl back. Watch out world. Because HERE I COME! Thanks for the inspiration Yoko!
Well, the time has come. The time for me to rejoin the world of the living. The last six years have been like a cocoon phase while I healed from my CASUALITIES of MODERN LIFE. But the universe has spoken. And it’s clearly time to move on to something bigger. I FINISHED PHYSICAL THERAPY a few weeks ago. And a couple days ago, PURE FOOD AND WINE placed their first order for my cheeses (which will soon be available in their juice bar)! If that’s not a foreshadowing moment, I don’t know what it. On that note, I’m announcing my OFFICIAL LAUNCH ON KICKSTARTER. The last several years have been kinda tough. But I’ve been getting by with a little help FROM MY FRIENDS. Thanks for joining me on this journey!
Happy New Year! Hope it was a great one. I can’t believe it’s 2012. I’m really encouraged about this year. Because it feels like I’m at a big turning point. This year, I spent New Year’s in Oklahoma (home of MATTHEW KENNEY ACADEMY where I attended CULINARY SCHOOL) and also where the rest of my family lives). This year, there was something big happening in OKC for New Year’s (next blog post). So, I had to be there.
Of course, I had to stop by the restaurant to see what was on the new menu. We went three times while we were in town. Here is a sampling of my favorite menu items. The avocado dragon roll was the first thing I tried. It’s SIMILAR TO THE CATERPILLAR ROLL that was on the menu during my tenure there. I loved it then. And I still love it.
The oaxaca was also a winner. It’s a spicy chocolate banana concoction that really hits the spot.
The first night we were there, they had a special menu for New Year’s Eve. So we tried one of those.
This winter vegetable soup was the first course. These were garnished with what seemed like a rosemary pignoli parmesan. Yum! The garnish was bomb, but it kind of made the soup. So once I ate up all the garnish, I was kind of done. Though admittedly, I’m pretty hard to please in the raw soup department. Gotta try some rosemary pignoli parm though. And unbeknownst to me, my boyfriend ordered some pine nuts while I was gone. They just arrived today, in fact!
My favorite dish on the New Year’s Eve menu was definitely the Chocolate Gingerbread Sundae. With black cherry syrup and maple candied hazelnuts. Winning! And not in a drug induced stupor kind of way. The real deal. I got to meet the chef behind it while I was there too. Tatiana from Toronto. Also a former student. And now the pastry chef.
We had to get our green quotient in while we were there too. These are the sour cream and onion kale chips. We got some of these for the drive home too.
This is the salsa verde salad sub kale and guac for the avocado. This was recommended to us by our extremely personable hostess, Vicki (I hope I spelled that right). She didn’t steer us wrong. Our waiter also recommended the chipotle kale salad which I liked a lot too. These two were definitely my faves.
We came by for brunch on New Year’s Day too. And ordered the brunch sampler. Which is a little bit of everything. A really nice variety and great for sharing.
So all in all, it was great to check in and see the latest. Definitely got spoiled being there full time for a while. Rumor has it though that a new location might be popping up a little closer to home soon…
Hello out there! Lots of exciting developments over here. I just FINISHED PHYSICAL THERAPY. And to celebrate, I am planning PUNK RAWK LABS official launch! Finally! We are kicking off the celebration with a HOLIDAY RECIPE SERIES on PUNK RAWK LABS TV. There is a video for how to make this lovely holiday cheese party platter there waiting for you.
The cheese platter goes perfectly with this RUSTIC HOLIDAY FLATBREAD (whose recipe can also be found there).
But we didn’t stop there! There is also a recipe for these mint nib macaroons using homegrown mint.
These date cheese bites also pair nicely with the cheese platter…
And these chocolate truffles are always a crowd pleaser! Videos demoing all of these recipes can be found at PUNK RAWK LABS TV.
Last but not least, I have a Christmas carol for you. It’s me playing the piano! Truth be told, I posted it last year too. But our piano has been in storage for way too long. So alas, I don’t have a new one this year…
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, you realize it’s a little cold for your taste. Isn’t that how it always goes? Well, I’ve been having this kind of ongoing discussion with my doctor ever since my LAST MEDICAL MELTDOWN.
Remember this one? When my eye swelled up for no reason. Again. They were going to send me back to rheumatology when I had a meltdown. Long story short, I’ve already been there TWICE. It was awful. Really expensive, really emotionally draining, really unproductive, frustrating, and negative. Basically, a step in the wrong direction on multiple levels. So I had a MELTDOWN.
In any event, I got the news last week that I tested positive for ANA (anti-nuclear antibody) again. This has actually happened a COUPLE TIMES already. And each time, I went through the testing process and was worked into a tizzy only to be told that it was all in my head. Apparently, this is a pretty common occurrence for people with autoimmune disease. Having a meltdown from being run through the ringer when asking for help is par for the course. According to my doctor, people (who are clearly sick) can go through this process for up to twenty years! And doctors recommend anti-depressants. To help patients get through it. Really? Seriously?! I need to go on drugs to tolerate an unacceptable situation. Two words. NO THANKS!! I’ve done my time. After that, it becomes the recipe for insanity.
I had a long talk with my doctor about it. She seems to understand where I’m coming from. And sympathize. At this point, it appears that it’s one of two things. It’s either lupus. Or it’s some other disease that’s closely related to lupus that doesn’t have a name. So, basically I have lupus. Lupus basically means that you’re immune system is miscalibrated (which mine definitely is). Your immune system attacks normal cells in your body causing disease. I personally think that my immune system is attacking toxic stuff that has become part of my body since my exposure. And the reason I think this is because I have these violent seizure-like episodes (called MYOCLONIC JERKING) at times. It’s always centered on my diaphragm. And it literally feels like my body is trying to kick something out. In the end though, a name is just a name. It’s not going to change my symptoms. It’s not going to make me feel better. Why do I care? I am already self-medicating with my anti-inflammation diet. I’m not interested in going on the drugs. So why put myself through all this? Truly. What is the point? The medical testing and wild goose chase are literally going to bankrupt me. I’m not doing this anymore. I want my life back! And I don’t want to spend the remaining precious energy that I have on pointless dysfunction. I think that as long as patients tolerate this situation, it will be perpetuated.
There are more important things in life. Like, look how cute my kitty is? OK. Technically, she’s my boyfriend’s kitty. But she snuggles with me more (probably because I’m ALLERGIC TO HER).
Oh yeah. And I love to play guitar. And I used to be in a band. And do all kinds of interesting things. And those things have been passing me by. It’s time to reclaim them.
So that’s what I’m doing. Check it out. I just played a recital with my GUITAR TEACHER, Jeremy, last weekend. And I am getting ready to officially launch my business (stay tuned for details coming soon)! I’m on a mission to rebuild my life on my terms.
And it all starts here. Check out my latest video for this RUSTIC HOLIDAY FLATBREAD. My boyfriend says it’s my most creative recipe yet. Not only does it not exacerbate inflammation. Like normal bread. It’s actually anti-inflammatory! I’m filming the companion video for this today. A holiday cheese platter. Check back soon…
She has just published a new eBook on the subject aptly titled ‘Travelling in the Raw’. I am really excited about this development for a number of reasons. My boyfriend is actually in Europe right now on tour. So I emailed him a copy. He travels a lot. He actually just came home from an East Coast tour. He was back for 24 hours. Then, he left for Europe. He comes home next week for 12 hours, and then he leaves again for the West Coast. It’s exciting and a little glamorous. He keeps inviting me to go to Europe with him. He travels so much that he has a bazillion frequent flyer miles. So my plane ticket would be free. But I haven’t gone yet. Why?! Is this question that everyone asks.
Well a lot of it was because I needed someone to write this book for me. If you have been following this blog for any length of time, you will know of my struggles with AUTOIMMUNE ISSUES. I used to love travelling. My father, in fact, also worked for the airline industry. So we travelled a lot growing up. But now the issue is food. Since my immune system is so reactive, it’s really important what I eat. Falling off the wagon on vacation has some pretty dramatic consequences for me. This can easily snowball into me not being able to get out of bed for days. Which is not really appropriate for travelling. Esp with a group of people on a tight schedule. As a result, I’ve been becoming increasingly introverted and anti-social as this thing has played out. And I need to break out of this rut. Thank you, Robyn! For doing all the leg work!!
It’s pretty cute. My boyfriend has been trying to stake out the safe places for me all over the globe. He always brings me the latest in raw food snacks! And emails me pictures of all the good food he is eating. This is what he brought me last week from LIVE LIVE in NYC. I’m starting to feel brave. Maybe this will be the year!
The holidays can be a tricky time for people with IMMUNE SYSTEM ISSUES. Admittedly, working through this problem has definitely contributed to tensions in my family. Things have evolved over time. The perception has changed from the weird food that she eats to deal with her hypochondria to an annoying inconvenience that everyone else has to deal with to trying to find things that THEY eat that don’t make me sick to not being invited for the holidays to that’s some weird liberal political thing that’s not real to now. I think the fact that people are starting to take an interest in my work has started to legitimize it somewhat to some members of my family. So I guess I am going home this holiday. I’m not sure if I should make the attempt to bring some of my creations with me. In the past, I have sent samples of my work home only to find them uneaten in the pantry six to nine months later. It’s hard. On the one hand, you don’t want to inconvenience people. But on the other hand, the last time I went home I literally developed a bad ULCER IN THE BACK OF MY THROAT that made it painful to eat. So while I respect and understand the reasons why people don’t necessarily get it, it doesn’t make it less hurtful for me to deal with. This has got to be (for me) the most difficult aspect of AUTOIMMUNE DISEASE. Nobody understands. Not even the doctors. And unfortunately, this more often than not leads to situations where the patient is made fun of, de-legitimized, disrespected, not included, and generally made to feel like it’s their fault (all in their head or not really happening). Over time, I’ve learned to just not engage such negativity. I’d like to present a three minute video explaining how to easily resolve the issue and create a NORMAN ROCKWELL OUTCOME. But I would be lying if I actually believed it were that easy.
That said, I think the best strategy for approaching this conundrum is probably to try to make things that are good by anyone’s standards. I’ve slowly been collecting some recipes. These HOLIDAY TRUFFLES have been a big hit for me.
These DATE CHEESE BITES have also been surprisingly well received for me at holiday parties.
The next installment in this series if going to be this rustic holiday flatbread. The is a really flavorful cracker with a nice texture that’s surprisingly light on the digestive system for a flatbread. Then, we’ll follow up with our coup de grace for this season, a holiday cheese platter featuring the flatbread and some raw vegan cheeses. Stay tuned to our HOLIDAY CHANNEL for updates!
11/11/11. An auspicious day. With a full moon. This is supposed to be the day when everything reboots. It definitely feels that way for me. Lots of big changes going down this week. According to my horoscope, I’m supposed to start coming up with some big revelations. I’m not sure if that’s really happening yet. I’m not sure if reality has fully sunk in. I haven’t really processed it all.
Check out this necklace I made for my physical therapist. I had my last session this week. It seemed so surreal. I’ve been going for almost a year and a half. Ever since my BIG CRASH. I’ve come a long way.
From using a walker…to being able to flip myself over…to standing…and walking…and rebuilding muscles…fixing my alignment…and headaches…and nerve damage…and MRIs…and neurosurgeons. It’s been an interesting journey. My physical therapist has seen me through a lot. So, it was kind of sad in a way. It’s sad to say goodbye. It’s also a little scary. Physical therapy is like the warm, fuzzy, security blanket where you can work out issues.
My neurosurgery appointment was good. Good and bad. It was good because I was not really FEELING THE SURGERY idea. (I was having a pretty strong intuition against it, in fact). And luckily, neither was the neurosurgeon. He said I probably do have nerve damage in my neck and shoulder. But they can’t fix it with surgery because I have arthritis! Who knew? I guess I have spondylosis in my spine. Apparently, people who have that respond really badly to surgery. Well, I tell you what…I have never been so happy to be told I have arthritis.
In another bizarre twist of fate/harbinger of change, I was invited to speak to a class of college students about raw food/healthcare. I took one picture. And I think I had the camera on a really low light setting in a really high tungsten kind of lighting. It looks kind of cool. The students were great. I was really surprised at their questions. They were really on the ball. And curious about what I ate the day before. And what I ate when I was in the HOSPITAL. And they asked really smart questions. Good vibes.
And in case that isn’t enough evidence that things are starting to shift, the weather changed this week. We’ve been flirting with the colder weather. But this week was the first real freeze. Time to bring in the plants. Look at this little habanero plant. It’s so cute. It looks just like CHARLIE BROWN’S CHRISTMAS. Winter is definitely on the way. So here we go. Head first into an uncertain future. But one with limitless possibilities. And good karma. Wish me luck! I’m not necessarily seeing the answer right at this moment. But I trust that it’s there.
Oh and PS! I posted a new video this week featuring my dear friend, HEIDI (who I never would have made it through this health debacle without). We made a NETTLE LATTE. Check it out…
I remember when that record came out (GRACELAND – the one with DIAMONDS ON THE SOLES OF HER SHOES). I loved it so much. I played it over and over. And there’s even a song dedicated to me on it…YOU CAN CALL ME AL. He has a new song that just came out this year that I LOVE LOVE LOVE too. Kind of relevant to my health care conundrum.
You can barely make out my wheatgrass operation in the left side of my living room photo. It’s all records and wheatgrass. (That’s where it’s at. The secrets to healing). Anyway, as you can see I have a nice little supply of wheatgrass going. My boyfriend bought 35 lbs. of seeds. So, I’m going to town. I’ve actually been putting off writing this post because I have so much to say about this. If you’ve been following my blog for any length of time, you will know of my WHEATGRASS ADDICTION.
I even made a VIDEO ABOUT HOW TO GROW IT YOURSELF. I have to say that in the course of trying to heal myself, I have tried many, many things. And to be honest, a lot of them didn’t work. But wheatgrass is the cheapest, most powerful thing I’ve tried. And yet, most people are reluctant to try it. I think that most people find it difficult to fit into their lifestyles. But I actually think that’s part of the point that the grass is trying to make to us. If you are willing to listen to it.
I go in and out of sync with it. Truth be told. But right now, I’m in big time. How do I know this? Because the grass lets me know when it’s happy. When it’s perfectly happy, it makes these perfect little dew drops at the tip of each blade. They look like diamonds!
How amazing is that? I am on a wheatgrass roll! My little trays have been coming out so perfectly. So green! With diamonds! And no mold.
And can I just tell you how amazing this stuff is for your LIVER? It’s truly profound. So much so that it probably deserves it’s own post. But I will say this…Right now, I am breaking through some huge barriers that have been holding me back for a long, long time. And I truly believe a lot of it has to do with this grass. More on this later. Wish me luck! Next week, is my follow up with the NEUROSURGEON. I’ve been kind of in denial about this since everyone has been gently bringing up the idea of back surgery with me (an idea which I am not really in sync with). Don’t worry though. I’m not nervous. I’ve already decided that I am an empowered being and the ultimate decision rests with me.
This winter vegetable soup was the first course. These were garnished with what seemed like a rosemary pignoli parmesan. Yum! The garnish was bomb, but it kind of made the soup. So once I ate up all the garnish, I was kind of done. Though admittedly, I’m pretty hard to please in the raw soup department. Gotta try some rosemary pignoli parm though. And unbeknownst to me, my boyfriend ordered some pine nuts while I was gone. They just arrived today, in fact!
She has just published a new eBook on the subject aptly titled ‘Travelling in the Raw’. I am really excited about this development for a number of reasons. My boyfriend is actually in Europe right now on tour. So I emailed him a copy. He travels a lot. He actually just came home from an East Coast tour. He was back for 24 hours. Then, he left for Europe. He comes home next week for 12 hours, and then he leaves again for the West Coast. It’s exciting and a little glamorous. He keeps inviting me to go to Europe with him. He travels so much that he has a bazillion frequent flyer miles. So my plane ticket would be free. But I haven’t gone yet. Why?! Is this question that everyone asks.
Well a lot of it was because I needed someone to write this book for me. If you have been following this blog for any length of time, you will know of my struggles with 
The holidays can be a tricky time for people with 
And in case that isn’t enough evidence that things are starting to shift, the weather changed this week. We’ve been flirting with the colder weather. But this week was the first real freeze. Time to bring in the plants. Look at this little habanero plant. It’s so cute. It looks just like 
You can barely make out my wheatgrass operation in the left side of my living room photo. It’s all records and wheatgrass. (That’s where it’s at. The secrets to healing). 
